


Sometimes, to stay alive...

by creativwritingmind



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Josh Dun's Family - Freeform, Plane Crash, Surviving, Tyler Joseph's Family - Freeform, Wounds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-04
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 23:15:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 42,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9571118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creativwritingmind/pseuds/creativwritingmind
Summary: Nobody had trained them to survive something like this. In fact, they were the most unlikely persons to be able to withstand what life decided to throw at them...





	1. Prologue

To see your life flashed before your eyes is what you expect to see when you are about to die. Josh wished he could see all the moments, the sad and the good ones, the ones full of joy and the ones full of pain right then. Everything, even his worst memory, would have been better then the terrified look in Tylers eyes, Jennas frightened screams that were slowly drowned out by the noise of the wind getting even louder and the chaos of people around them, who had already realised they were going to die. 

Feeling himself being pushed harder into the seat by an invicible force as their fall got even faster all Josh could do then was to slung his arms around his friends, both of them, pull them near and hope that his prayers would be enough to save them. Mark was sitting only a few rows appart from them, Micheal as well, but given the fact that that was were the bomb had gone off the drummer had not much hope left about the two of them. 

The rubber band of the oxygene mask on his face cut into the back of his head, while clear air was blown into it, betraying his lungs and telling them that they weren't exposed to the thin air thousands of meters above safe ground, quickly sinking deeper with every second to the inevitable crash. It took long, way too long, but not long enough for him to remember all the safety check tips the stewardess had given before they started what would turn out to be there last flight. 

Josh nearly repented that they had fantasised about death so many times. He felt like fate had caught up on it and decided to teach them a lesson. Forcing his brain to focus as much as he could while being strucked by panic the drummer looked out of the window and tried to recognise something, anything in the pitch black night outside. They had to be somewhere above the ocean, somewhere in the middle of their journey, far away from land or cities, so even if they would have survived the crash...there would be literally no one to safe them. 

It was an ironic turn of events, he decided. They were on the way to a tour, to concerts where there fans waited hours for them to arrive, days to be the one at the barricade to hold them up. Now, as the plane rushed to ground, gaining speed every minute, there was no one around to reach them his helping hand. Maybe this was the time to question faith. Maybe this was the time to curse god for letting things like this happen. Maybe it was the time to say goodby. 

Turning his head again, realising how thightly he still gripped Tylers arm, while the singer desperatly tried to cover his wife with his body, an fruitless attempt to save her from what was about to come, Josh let go then for a minute, reached for her head instead and pulled it down, so it was situated between her knees, her own arms right above it. He did the same with his friend who seemed too terrified, too gone to think, and followed suit as he was sure that both of them kept down, in the position they had been thaught so many times when they were on a flight, the one they had made fun off when they had been bored. 

Josh remembered that the live vests they wore had to be blown up once they would hit the ocean, that there was a small string to each of them who would do the magic if it was pulled. Closing his eyes he rummaged in his memory until he found the picture of where the fire escapes where, how they were opened. He tried to spend what was probably the last seconds of his life with shifting all his focus to the one, nearly impossible task in a situation like this: To survive. 

The impact knocked all air out of his lungs, extinguished all the noise around them. There was nothing then the sharp pain where his head hit the seat before him, the cold water splashing through the whole in the side of the plane, hitting him and instantly pulling him down. All sense of sanity left him then, when his fingers clenched around the fastening of the seat belt, opened it, got him free. Josh didn't realise that he nearly ripped Tylers belt appart as well, that he grabbed his friends hand. Running on pure, deepest instinct he checked the lifeless body beside the singer, saw the cracked blue orbs starring up at him as he lifted the strangly loose hanging head. 

Whatever gave him the strange to not fully snap then, to act with superhuman like powers – it came deep out of his soul and commanded him to keep giong, to do everthing but stop, because getting still would mean death right now. Tyler fainted the moment he reached for his vest and blew it up, his face was covered in blood and Josh couldn't tell if it was his own or the one of the hundrets of people around them, the half of them already dead, the other half fighting a race that, with a little bad luck, none of them would win. 

The cold water started to numb his fingers, still he didn't let go of his friends jacket, gripped it as hard as he gripped hope when he tried to haul them out of their seats and towards the big crack in the side of the plane, where the darkness was even more prominent, but at the same time the sky was visible, displaying a thousands of stars. Josh felt the plane slowly sinking under and around him, a curse and a blessing at the same time as it cut his time to escape short but helped him to drag Tylers uncousciousness body behind him along as the water had already rosen to his hip.

For the split of a second his thoughts returned to Jenna, his heart asked his soul if she was really dead, if he did not leave her behind to drown in this coffin of metal, alongside with all the other bodys, yet dead or still alive all around them. With the last mental energy he got Josh pushed this all aside and hurried to make his way through the junk starting to swim in the small cabin, the suitcases and trays that suddenly floated around him, the people that pushed and pulled and screamed and cried where ever he went. 

Finally, after what seemed to be hours but couldn't be more then a few minutes he managed to get them close enough to the hole so he could take a propper look outside...and his heart sunk even more. Water, water everywhere. There was nothing to hold on to, no light, nothing that could give orientation. Horrified he remembered a documentation he had once seen, about people, being ripped apart by sharks. It was reduntand to think of that while he still was in a plane that threatened to drown in the ocean every minute, still it left him unable to move for a short period, until he felt his friends body being pressed against his by a wave.

Tyler...he was still with him, still there, still breathing. He needed to get them out for now, no matter what it would cost them later. Wrapping both of his arms around his friend Josh stumbled, swam the last few feet to the bailing hole, trying to ignore the sea of red that slowy built around him as the water started to spread the blood of all the bodys that had been killed by the bomb. With the last strenght he could find he pulled Tyler as close as he could and jumped, out of the wrack and into the sea, loosing his mind as the water splashed upon his head and froze all his will to live inside his hurting body.


	2. Pulling through

When his head broke through the surface again Joshs burning lungs automatically sucked in all the oxygen they could get. He breathed water, caughed, breathed again, this time able to keep his head high enough to not go under water again. The waves weren't that hard, still they were strong enough to push them against the outer shell of the wrecked plane again and again and an inner voice told Josh that they had to get away from the damn thing before it started to actually sink into the depths of the ocean and would entrain them along. 

Recognising that Tyler was face down in the water beside him the drummer did his best to flip his friend, dragged him up so the youngers back came to lay against his chest, his head on his shoulder. Josh felt a little hope rising as he managed to feel the others pulse under his numb fingers. Struggeling for liberty of action in the thight vest he pulled his legs up then and pushed them off the plane, started to swim backwards away from it as good as he could, wich was not very fast or far to be honest. With every five feet he got them further into the open water a wave pulled them another two back. 

Josh was glad that it was dark though, that he didn't had to see what he heared. The noises had died down as the plane broke into the ocean, but they had came back now, had changed. There was no longer the blast of a bomb, the creek of cold metal, the hiss of the wind. There were screamed names, yelled "Helps!" and piercing shrieks that he didn't even wanted to file. The worst thing was that with every voice that died down in the torn vessel, slowly filled with water and ripped into the oceans depth, another soul was leaving a body. 

Fighting his way through the night Josh shuddered as the silence started to take over more and more. Whoever was still alive did the same as him: Keeping his breath to be able to swim. Inexpiably the moon decided to add light to the concert of terror then, when it came out behind it's mask of clouds and tinted the water around them in pale light, reflecting from the roof of the plane, the only part still visible of it. And then, with a nearly absurd bubble it sank, quiet and peacefull, and dissapeared into the void. 

Tears shooting in his eyes Josh just kept on kicking water, mechanically, semi-automatic, his brain racing, his heart on the tip to collapse. It was nearly unpossible for him to focus as he suddenly felt them being held back, Tyler slipping slightly out of his arms. Grapping the younger thigther again Josh rose his head as far as he could and found a man, gripping eagerly at his friends vest. "Hey!" he screamed, in terror, out of his mind, not able to process for a moment, but then he saw it, realised that the man had no life vest his own. "He's dead anyway!" he blared back at the drummer in panic, not willing to let go. 

It was something fundamental that snapped in Joshs mind then, something he couldn't quiet explain. In all the chaos, the cold, draining water, the beauty of the starts above them he felt himself going still inside. Shaking his head slightly he rose his foot and starred into the mans eyes. There was no other way to end this. If he let himself get involved in a fight they all would die. What shook him the most was that he didn't even were sorry in the moment he kicked the man right into the face and started to swim away from all this as hard as he could again. 

Nothing but deep, black, unforgiving water around them. Nothing but pain and death and grief and terror. Josh wished he would had the breath to pray, but maybe the thought alone had been enough. By cause his back hit an stable object, something that seemed fairly sized. Slowly turning them around Josh observed it and found that it was kind of a plate, maybe a part of a wing. Whatever it was...it seemed secure enough to lie on, to at least grant him a little rest. He needed four trys to push his friends still lifeless body up on it, and when he finally crawled beside Tyler on all four a rush of sickness overcame him and he started to heave, spurt out all the salty water he had drowned. 

Shaken by sudden spasms he collapsed against Tyler then, harsh sobs trembling his body as the weight of the moment hit him. Jenna, Mark, Michael...the half of their crew had been on that plane. If it wasn't for a broken leg his younger brother would have been there too. They had managed to escape a certain kind of hell somehow and he didn't know how to wrap his mind around it. With shaking hands he pushed himself up somehow. He needed a counterpart, someone to keep him sane. Turning Tyler around he observed his friends bloody face. His own shirt was half gone anyway so he ripped it apart and dried the others features up as good as possible, found a fierce cut above the youngers right eye. Gladly it didn't bleed anymore, but still stung open nasty. 

As much as he longed to talk to the younger Josh decided to leave him alone, as long as he breathed fine. Maybe it was better if Tyler kept sleeping. What he had to wake up to would be a neverending nightmare. His eyes still filled with tears, his mind in the iron grip of the shock Josh sat up then and let his gaze wander. A slight breeze had picked up and rouse the water around them. In the shadows of the night he couldn't tell where the ocean started and the sky began, he could barely see their nearer sourroundings. There were objects floating in the water around them, suitcases, parts of the plane...but no people. 

Frantically the drummer searched for any sign of life. Terrified of his own voice he called "Hello?" for a few times, hoping invardly to maybe find someone out there, to be able to help, to make up for what he had done only short time before. Nothing then his own echo came back at him, mocked him. Pressing both of his hands on his temples, braking into another fit of sobs he murmered a few "Oh, my god, oh, my god..." to himself before he rose his teary eyes again. He needed a distraction, a task, something to do until Tyler woke up or someone found them. 

Carefully leaning down from their improvised raft he got a hold of another, smaller piece of metal passing them by. The sharp edges cut his hands, but Josh didn't care, he felt no pain by now, no coldness, his mind shutting down his emotions, forcing his body to function somehow. Carefully pulling it through the water he managed to get them foreward, with no destination, but just the act of keepin in flow eased the pressure on his chest, helped him to breath. He kept on until they passed another pile of trash, a suitcase this time and without really knowing why he pulled it up and secured it between them. As long as the raft could take it he would keep assembling things, he guessed. 

Again his willpower was tested when the next < object > that floated by turned out to be a human body. First he thought she was still alive, but a he frantically dragged the older woman closer by her vest and searched for signs of ife he found that she was dead, maybe frozen or struck by a cardiac infarction. For a second he just wanted to push her back into the waves, but then, with shaking fingers and the realisation that he had already loaded a lot more prominent guilt on his soul he opened her vest, took it to him and released her slightly stiff body to drown. 

It was then when his mental power seemed to be spent and Josh placed the puddle with the suitcase, allowed himself to lie down. Exhaustion took him over so suddenly that he couldn't even take care if he lay securely to not roll of the metal in sleep, he just went black from one second to the other.   
He was awoken hours later by sunlight on his face, and the constant swash of water to his ears. Rolling himself to the side, groaning on all the pain that struck him on the movement Josh felt his heart burst with the memorys hitting back. Jenna, showing them a silly video on her phone. A man a few rows before them, near of Mark, who stood up and yelled something they couldn't understand. The sound of the bomb going off. The blast of air hitting them. The flashes of happenings started to speed up know and let the pain in his head explode as he saw the plane sinking, a man dying, Tyler lying lifeless in his arms. 

Tyler. With vigor the drummer shot up then and checked if his friends was still there, exhaled reliefed to find him directly beside his own hurting body. Slowly, carefully Josh let his hand slip on the youngers neck, feeling for the beat of life, which he gladly found to be constant. The bright light of day burned in his eyes as much a thirst did in his throat but osh knew better then just to bent down and drink the salty water. They needed to get another source of liquid, it had the highest priority. Josh didn't need to be an expert on survival skills to tell that they wouldn't even make it one day without drinkable water. 

Ignoring his pulsing head he examined his friends wounds, glad to found that they looked a little better, maybe the salt had helped to disinfect them a bit. Keeping the balance of their small shelter he turned then and looked around, sighing on the fact that the sun hadn't revieled much more then the moon before her. Still they were surrounded by traces of where they came from, but it were less then the night before, only small fragments. The most things, the people, it all had been swapped away from them or drowned and Josh couldn't lie to himself that he was glad about it. He couldn't tell if he would have been able to take the sight of another corpse.

Balancing his weight he creeped to the suitcase then and opened it. The majority of space was filled with soaked cloathes, which he pulled out and spread so they could dry. Feeling the sun already burn his sensible skin he was glad that there were some to replace his own ripped ones. Further rummage brought a toilet bag with a small scissor and other usefull things in it, but the best discovery were secured in a rolled up towel: A bottle of wine. Someone must have snuggled it into the plane, not aware that this little action of rebellion might help to save someones live. 

Josh knew that alcohol wasn't exactly the best for them right now, but given the circumstances he had to roll with what they got. He took only a small gulp then, well aware that they might had to spent some time with not more to drink then that. Again he searched the horizon then. Sooner or later they must have been missed. The drummer couldn't tell how much time had weared off between the crash and his awakening, but as the sun was pretty high above them it might have been noon. The latest when the plane did not arrive someone would start to search for it, and he hoped they would do it fast. 

God only knew how much time they had before animals got aware of them or they just died of thirst or hunger, as he had found nothing eatable in the luggage. Frustrated he sat down again and burried his head in his hands. Tyler was stirring lightly from time to time, as if he tried to wake up but couldn't and the older knew that he would have to come up with answers to questions he didn't want to hear. To tell the singer that they were lost was one thing – to tell him that his wife was dead the other. Years of friendship had brought them so close that Josh could exactly imagine the pain that Tyler would feel on this, the desperation that would take a hold of him. 

Jenna was...had been his friends life, literally, she had given him the purpose he struggled to find for so long and what was even more destructive for Josh to know then was the secret she had told him the day before they took the flight, the assumption she had and that she hadn't wanted to share with Tyler before she was all sure about it. Two days she had been late, nothing too special, Josh knew that much about a womans body, but a hint that what she and his friend had tried to acomplish for some time now may had finally worked out. Looking down on Tylers strained features the older furrowed his front then and tried to understand why fate had decided to punish him like that.


	3. Calling out

Tyler did not wake up slowly, with a groan, shifting and raising his eyes as Josh had expected. In fact the singer did the absolute opposite as he shot up from one second to the other with a yell, nearly knocking their shelter over, rushing to his feet. The drummer had started to puddle through the ocean again some time ago, as there had been nothing else to do and he needed something to give him a cause. First he had thought it was dumb to leave their position, as if someone would search for them, but then he realised that the currents were going to dislocate them anyway.

As Tyler suddenly got up beside him Josh was too stunned to act, something he repented in seconds as his friend started screaming his wifes name and jumped right into the water. "FUCK! TY! NO!" the drummer hissed and followed suit, without thinking twice about it. As fast as he could he swam to the younger, who struggled to stay on the surface, but was driven from panic and shock, slashed around himself and yelled "JENNA!" over and over. Finally reaching him Josh tried to get the youngers arms behind his back, restrain him so he could drag him back to their raft again, but Tyler kept trashing, hit him more then once in the process.

"TYLER! CALM THE FUCK DOWN!" he screamed at the younger, recognising that he didn't came through, that the singer was too deep into terror to hear or see him. With a last desperate try he snatched Tylers shoulders and pulled him back, hissing "You're going to kill us!" as he burried his nails into the skin of the other boys neck. Still all Tyler did was trying to get free of his grip until he started to caugh because water had gotten into his lungs and he started to trash even more, now gripped in the sudden fear of drowning. Josh knew the younger was desorientated, had no idea where he was or what had happened and slowly he began to accept that there might have been only one way to get him in control again: violence. 

With an apology on his lips he drew his fist back and let it rush down on the youngers temple, one time, another, until Tyler went still, mesmerized by the dawn that Josh were with him, that they were in water, that the drummer hit him again and again. As soon as the youngers body went still Josh grapped him close and started to haul them back to the raft that had started to drift off a little. It cost him more then fifteen minutes to get them back on it, in false security, and he was left lying flat and panting on the metal surface, while Tyler beside him was shaken by the shock. 

All Josh wanted to do was close his eyes and sleep, dream himself away from this horror, but despite the exhaution tugging on his perception he shifted closer to his friend, reached out his hand, touched the youngers wet face and froced him to look at him. "Tyler...Ty...breath slowly...count!" he ordered, fearfull eyeing the way the singers body twitched under the hyperventilation. "Je....Jenna...Mark....the plane...bomb..." Josh could tell that his friend had a cruel epiphani right then, that his mind displayed what had happened just like his own had done. Running his fingers through the others hair in attempt to connect them somehow, get him to focus the drummer spoke up then. "Hey, I swear to you I'll tell you everything, ok, but for now I need you to calm down and breath! Please...Tyler...I need you, ok? Please just calm down!"

The shaking did not subside, it became even more prominent, still the younger seemed to have heared his plea as he clearly tried to inhale and exhale regular down to the point were his rythm was nearly normal. Closing his eyes and leaning into the touch of the drummers hand on his cheek Tyler whispered finally: "Where is she? Where is Jenna?" Josh felt that the way his eyes filled with tears at that question might have been enough of an answer, still he pressed himself to use words as he owned his friend that much. "I...I couldn't save her...she..." "No." he was interrupted, the younger pushing him back again as he sat up, frantically letting his eyes roam over the open water around them. "No. She's there. Where is she?" The confussion, the fear in Tyers face hurted him even more inside as Josh reached out to lay his hand on the others shoulder. Direct contact was important now, it was the only thing that bound the younger to reality.

"Tyler...look at me...please." he demanded, whincing on how easy the younger followed his command. It was the hardest thing he had ever done, Josh realised then, even harder then kicking that man to death. Tylers eyes were pools of desperation, of panic and pain. He already knew what had happened, but he refused to believe it, and as long as he wasn't told the truth he didn't had to see it. That was why he tried to avoid Josh spilling those words, yet the drummer knew they had to be said, as there was nothing to turn life around. 

"She...she is dead, Ty. She was dead the second the plane hit the water, she broke her neck." Hurrying up his speech as he saw the light in the others pulps break the drummer did his best not to let his own anxiety get a hold of him. "I....I checked, I wanted to save her...but...she was already dead and we weren't and I...I..." They both cried at that point, yet Josh was sure that his friend hadn't got the whole dimension of this yet. "I left her in the plane, Ty. It sunk. She's dead." With his features turning to stone the younger suddenly pushed him back, crawled away from him as far as the small space allowed. He slung his arms around himself and cried, loud and open, an expression of the pain that ripped his whole being appart in that moment. 

Josh knew better then to say something or trying to get close to him again. He curled up into himself and let his tears fall too, helpless calling for god on the inside, pleading him to help, to fucking do something, just anything. This couldn't be the end. This couldn't be it, them, both in the middle of an ocean, surrounded by death and hurt, splitted by actions he have had no chance to affect. Two voices appeared in his mind, the one that told him he had to reach out to his friend, to make sure he was going to be ok, and the one that told him to just stay were he was and wait until life would decide he was not worthy enough.

The decission was taken out of his hands as Tyler called him after a while, not by his name, with a simple "Hey." that sounded as hollow as he felt inside. Lifting his eyes Josh found him still sitting at the edge of the metal junk they rode on, an terrible look on his face that couldn't be described. "Why me?" he asked, his voice clear, as if he were suddenly focused. Not understanding the drummer sat up himself, waited silently for further explanation. "Why did you save me out of all people? You knew that this would be hell for me. You knew loosing her would end my life anyway. Why did you save me? Why not Mark? Or Michael? Or Andy, his daughter just turned nine. Or any other of the crew. Why the fuck did you choose to save me, Joshua? Why do you want to see me suffer?"

It was raising guilt that Tyler was aiming for, although he knew deep inside that it was unfair. But there was nowhere he could run to, nothing he could do to cope with the grief that he had to bear, alongside with the horror of the situation itself. His head hurted as much as his heart, he was dizzy and drained, thirsty and on the verge of snapping completly, so all he could do was to fight whoever happened to be in his way. Josh, on the other hand, recognised that. It was no challenge for him to read in the younger like a in a book, to know exactly why Tyler reacted like he did. 

Still, the strength to ignore the singers harsh attack lacked him this time. Casting his hands through his hair, giving a laugh somewhere between sarcastic and insane he pulled himself to stand and grabbed the suitcase, opened it. He searched for the bath bag while he spoke, an action that must have seemed so randomly to his counterpart, but soon got a deeper meaning. "You know what? Fuck you." Ripping the bag open and gripping the scissor, tossing it into Tylers lap he glared down at him. "Go, slice your wrists open, or you're throat, stab you're eyes out, whatever you want! You really want to die, Tyler? Go, do it!" Awkwardly starring down on the scissor in his lap the younger kept silent, showed no sign of an answer. 

"See? You fucking CAN'T! I didn't wanted to die either! I did not want ANYONE to FUCKING DIE!" Tyler flinched on every of the screamed words, but still did nothing then stare, although tears formed in his eyes. "I DID NOT want Jenna to die! I would have given my LIFE if hers was spent, you know that! But I had no decission on that! She was dead, Fuck, Ty, her eyes...they were dead!" Joshs voice began to break, on the intensness of his words, still he couldn't held them from spilling. "And Mark....Michael...that guy was directly beside them...I've dragged you're sorry ass through the pieces that were left of them. THERE WAS NO ONE LEFT TO BE SAVED!" 

Both of them trembled now and Josh had to kneel down so he could hold balance. "I have no idea where all the others were...there were only you and me Tyler...and you were breathing. I...when we were in the water, when I tried to get us away...there was someone...he tried...he wanted...god..." Overwhelmed by the backflash he got Josh fell foreward and heaved again, his head spinning and body spasm. He had already been in the open sun for too long, they both probably had, and slowly dehydration started to become a serious problem. 

Getting angry on himself for helping the circumstances to kill him by loosing even more liquid the drummer straightened himself up as much as he could, gripped one of the clothes lying around and whipped his face, his hands threw it in the ocean. His fury died down in the moment he looked up and where met by his friends face close to his own, with Tyler climbing up and pulling him into a hug that was no way securing. Both of them clinged to each other then, shook, cried and could find no comfort in each other the first time since they knew each other. 

It took them a while to calm down to the point were their brains reminded them of more ovbvious problems then the psychological trauma they had to go through. The sun was still up and out of a brainwave Tyler snatched another T-Shirt, cut it open with the scissor that thankfully hadn't fell into the water and covered their heads each in improved headscarfs. "Do we have any idea where we are?" he asked, as friendly and calm as he could in that moment, still his voice spoke of the panic he held inside. 

"No. I don't even know where we were when we crashed." Sucking in a deep breath the singer let himself fall beside his friend. "How are we going to survive this? We got literally nothing. No water, no food." "Well...we got a bottle of wine in the suitcase." Snapping his head up and searching the others features Tyler tried to understnd if this was some kind of weired joke. "Are you kidding me?" It felt unsuitable to smile in that moment, after all that had happened, still Josh did and maybe saved them again.


	4. Picking up

Slowly the shock started to wear off Josh learned. With the adrenalin leaving his body he felt like a hundret years old out of a sudden, could feel the strains he had taken in the past 24 hours in every bone, every muscle, not to mention his soul. The alcohol had helped to calm them both down a little and got them through the day, but Josh was pretty sure they would only last one more if they wouldn't be safed or found land. First he had been glad as the sun sunk and it got colder, but soon, as the wind started to pick up a and made the sea rougher he wished at least the moon would give more light. 

The plate they were on shaked under them, not too bad to throw them off, but bad enough to make him sick and add another unwelcomed sensation to his all over terrible feelings. Tyler still seemed to be in the special state of mind that had been their first reaction to the whole thing. He couldn't quiet understand what was going on Josh assumed, as the singer was controlled, smiled even and cracked bad jokes. Sooner or later he would break again and all his friend could do was to hope that they were at least at solid ground, when that happened. 

Getting sick of starring into the darkness Josh turned then and observed the other, who had taken the puddle over when his own strength had faded. They had agreed to keep going, as there had to be land somewhere, or a ship, or a plane or fucking anything. Tylers head must had hurt like hell he realised, they had both barely drunken more then a quarter of the bottle so they had at least something left for the following day. Given the fact they both didn't drink often the alcohol weren't any good on them in their state and the younger had took it even harder. Tyler got seasick in the afternoon and pucked his heart out. By now he should have been so spent that he wouldn't be able to move, let alone drag a piece of torn metal through the endless water.

Whatever kept his friend up it was no good. Josh remembered stories of people who had survived things like this and told from the sheer willpower they were striken by when it came down to fight for life. He had felt it himself, back in the water, when he had to do things he hadn't even dreamed of being capeable off, not in his wildest nightmares. How was someone supposed to wrap his mind around this? He longed to talk suddenly, to hear the others voice. The darkness and the constant swap of water drove him insane, he needed distraction. "Let me take over for a while." Josh said, sliding closer to the others side. 

Tyler kept his eyes on the dark deep water before them and slightly shook his head. "Come on, you've been sick all day, you need to rest!" "No." Sighing the drummer lay his hand on the youngers arm and stopped his motion. "Ty...please. Just...I couldn't take seeing you die too. Ly down. Rest. You will need every strength you can get when it will start to hit you." Not knowing what Josh talked off, but sensing the truth behind it the singer gave in then and handed him the improved puddle. They shuffled around until Josh was in the position to bring them foreward and Tyler ly down beside him, for a moment, before he lifted his body up again a bit and shifted until his head lay on his friends thight. 

Closings his eyes he was drawn in by the sound of the puddle hitting the water in a constant, sometimes slightly variated beat. It took him some time to realise that it was just the same way Josh used to play his drums. Listening more intently Tyler could even make out the song the pattern matched to and smiled. "You're incredible, you know that?" he let his emotions slip past his lips. Giving a small laugh Josh didn't stop but looked down at his face for a second. 

"You aren't going all Leonardo DiCaprio on me, aren't you?" "Every night in my..." "Oh Jeez, please just shut up!" They both giggled on the absurdity of the situation before Josh sighed and dropped on of his hands to ruffle through his friends hair. "Try to get some sleep, ok?" When Tyler curled to his side and wrapped his arms around his waist the drummer focused on the task of paddling again. 

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Unnerved Zack gripped his phone, excused himself for a moment and left the bureau. Leaving out a hello he snapped at the caller the moment he took up the line. "Damn, Jay, I'm in a meeting, what the hell is wrog with you? You've called like five times and..." "Get in your fucking car and come here. Now." Taken back by the force of his younger brother cursing Zack let his eyes roam and found a door to a stairway, bolted through and leaned himself on the wall. "What's wrong?" "It's Tyler...his...his plane didn't land. It kinda dissapeared. We don't know more by now, just that their tourmanager had been waiting on the airport and they were called to the airlines bureau. It's not clear what happened but they think that it might have crashed." 

Clutching a hand over his mouth for a second Zack tried to process what he just heared. "Where's mum?" he asked finally. "She's home, in the living room, watching TV. The news have taken up on it already...Zack...they are speaking of a possible bomb on the plane." "Fuck. Dad?" "He's on his way from work...but...man, I really need you here, ok? I...I don't know what to do." The elders heart shattered on Jays defeated tone. Somehow all of them was constantly worring about Tylers fame, as much as they granted it to him they got uneasy about the dangers of traveling so much. 

"I'll be there in about an hour. Try to calm down Jay. Call Maddie, maybe she can get over quicker...and Jordan. We should get the Duns to our house too." There was no answer for a second but Zack could clearly hear his younger brother sob. "Hey...I know it's hard right now, but you need to get yourself together, ok? Mum and Dad need you...I'll be as fast as I can." He didn't wait for a goodby after Jay's whispered "Ok." but hung up and stormed back into the meeting. 

Of course his boss set him free, even offered him to get a driver as Zack clearly appeart shaken by the news, but he refused. On the way to his car which he asolved running on full speed, he fumbled his phone out again and called his wife, told her what had happened and instructed her to get as much information as she could. Pulling the cardoor shut with force he threw in the gear then and bolted out of the parking lot, not caring about if he'd get a ticket for fast driving somewhere along the way. Out of an inspiration he flicked the radio on and searched for one of the news stations. His assumption was cruely right, they were talking about the plane.

"...by 11:38 p.m. In European time. Still there are no official statements about the cause of the dissapearence of flight 8823, but rumours are that there might have been some kind of terroristical act as there were no distress calls from the crew and the plane vanished from radar from one second to the other. Here at the Paris airport Charles-de-Gaulle a lot of relatives are waiting furiously for information. Beside of a 20 people crew and 356 passengers there were also one of americas recently most known music acts on board. Joshua Dun and Tyler Joseph of the duo < twentyonepilots> are missed as well as all other persons that were registered on the flight." 

The reporter gave back into the studio now, where further assumptions were been made, but Zack didn't hear any of it. He glued his gaze to the asphalt before him and tried not to think. However this would turn out, he had to stay strong, in controll. Their parents would be devastated by now, espacially their mum. Tyler and her had been through a really rough time together when he where younger, and she nearly had lost him a couple of times. The possibility that he might have died now, doing the one thing that had saved him from himself...it was something she would never be able to get over. 

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Jesse felt a sting in his soul as Ashley opened her door and practically fell into his arms. Her harsh sobs twitched her body and he did his best to hold her close and soothe her, so that they at least could step inside. Brushing a streak of her hair out of her messy face he looked down on her worried. "I've just heard it in the news. Is there anything I can do?" Whiping her nose with the back of her hand Joshs sister pulled back then a little, took his hand and let him over to the couch where they sunk down in another embrace. "Just stay with me, please? I couldn't get a flight to Ohio before tomorrow..." "Of course! And I'll come with you." 

Silence lingered between them for a moment, before Ashley happened to ask the question Jesse hoped she would not tell. "Do you think he's alive?" "Honestly? I don't know. I...I wish I could say I feel that he is, that they are...but...we just have to wait for more information, Ash. Let's not start to make us crazy without knowing what really happened." 

 

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Balancing his phone on his shoulder, his fingers tapping down on the keyboard before him Jordan tried to talk to Jay and google everything he could find at the same time. His parents and sister where down in the living room, crying and in shock, comforting each other. His dad had given him a thankfull nod as he told him just to take care of the women, that he would contact all the necessary people and try to find out more. 

Jordan couldn't say that he wasn't glad about Zacks idea to get their families together. Being also the younger of brothers, but still a little older then himself Zack had always been one to look up to. He had filled in the role of the older brother so easily every time Tyler was away. Jordan himself struggled with that a lot. Given a role model of a brother like Josh and a bad ass older sister like Ash he was not used to take the lead in hard times. But with Joshua missing and his sister stuck in LA he was the only one who could take care of this. 

"Ok, I'll get started to take my fam to your house. And Jay...Ashley thinks we might need help if press decides to go after us. She said she will contact Joshs manager and make sure there is security ready in case we need them." "That's good...we can't deal with something like that right now."

 

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Nearly falling out of his bunk as someone ripped the curtain open and shook him out of sleep Brendon got his hung over brain ready to yell at whoever had decided to wake him that rude, but as he saw Dallons face he thought of a better. His bandmember looked like he had literally met a ghost, pale and frigthened. "What is wrong?" the singer asked instead of raging. "Big fucking shit, man! Tyler and Joshs's plane were blown up by bomb. It just came on the news." Shooting up and hittig his head on the ceiling of the bunk Brendon gave a hiss. "AH!...FUCK!" He managed to get to his feet and pushed past the bassist, storming into the lounge area of their bus, where the rest of the band and parts of the crew where gathered around the small TV. 

"...are still no clues what exactly has happened to flight 8823 form New York to Paris, but officials told the relatives a few moments ago that a terroristical act on the plane can not be excluded. Currently the emergency measures are started as the crash of the plane is supposed. There has been no contact to the crew or passengers since yesterday evening, around 11:30 p.m.."

Shaking his head in disbelieve Brendon turned and, back to his bunk to snatch his phone and mechanically tried to call their friends numbers, but both lines were dead. Softly Dallon layed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a squeeze. "I think all we can do is pray, dude." 

 

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Social media wasn't on fire, it was downright exploding Jesse learned when he leaned on the couch in a rather uncomfortable position, but with Ashleys head secure on his chest. She had fallen asleep crying and she would shed more tears when she woke up. He had lost enough for the day himself. The thought of two of his best friends ripped out of life so cruel, so sudden effected him deeply and he felt numbed inside, helpless. There was literally nothing he could do then sit and wait, read all the sorrowed tweets, the conspiracy theorys, the condolences...those were what made him kind of angry. 

It wasn't even sure that they were dead and yet people started to act like it was a fact. Of course Jesse knew that the possibility for Josh and Tyler still being alive was very small, nearly zero. Still he refused to give up hope on it, and if it only was for the sleeping girl in his arms.


	5. Between hope and fear

In total awe of the beauty Josh sat crossleged at the raft and watched the sun coming up. It had been a while since he had been able to do so, lately there were always appointments, studio hours, interviews getting in his way. He always had liked the mornings, they were peacefull and carried the hope of a new beginning,but this time a hint of melancholy lowered on his mood. Absently stroking his friends hair Josh bemoaned that this could be the last sunrise he ever saw. Just as he wanted to wake the younger out of impulse, of longing to share the moment, Tyler stirred in his lap and opened his eyes. 

The singer had trashed and groaned all the night, no peacefull sleep coming to him, yet Josh were glad to see he looked at least little better then the evening before. Fixing his eyes on the colours of the morning, playing in the water, Tyler gave a sigh. "This is damn beautiful. I'd say it's sick...but...that wouldn't fit the moment." "Yes it is..." the drummer answered slowly, like he was far away in his mind. Saving the last moments of peace before his brain would decide to show him all the pain he was in Tyler turned again so he lay on his back, looking up on his friend. 

"What are you thinking about?" "I don't think you wanna know." "Try me." There had never been secrets between them, not even the nasty ones. They were downright honest to each other, it was the one thing that made them so special, not even in arguments they held back to say what was on their mind. More then one time the crew had been stunned by them yelling the meanest things at each other, just to find them cuddling up at the bus and playing videogames in peace only hours later. It was a certain kind of energy, they complemented each other in a way that they couldn't explain thereselfs.

Now, feeling the heat of the day slowly rising and with it the thirst Josh pondered if it was worth to start lying to his friend. He didn't want to upset the younger as he still was nearly too calm for the fact that Jenna was dead, on the other hand they had clearly to talk about some things that would became urgent soon. The drummer felt like an asshole as he ripped the bubble of positivness appart that the moment had build. "About what you could do if I die first." He refused to look down, just kept his eyes on the sky, and Tyler did the same, watching some small clouds passing above them. 

The silence meant that the singer sorted his words carfully, Josh knew he sometimes needed that little space in conversations where he could make it sound beautiful, right. It was habbit that made him hard to talk to for some people, he tended to change the rythm of talks abruptly, but Josh had always been able to keep up with him, whatever pace he went. "Is it weired I'm gonna make a song out of all this? I mean, that I think about lyrics and hear a melody all the time?" "No. It's your way of coping, I guess." "Hm. What is yours, Josh? How are you holding this up?" Searching for the answer for a moment the drummer shrugged. "I don't know, I guess it's you." 

Maybe talking made no sense at the moment. Maybe it didn't lead them anywhere. Tyler felt his tongue thick and dry in his mouth, but had vowed to refuse to drink wine again as long as he could. The dehydration began to settle in though and when he tried to sit up he had to ly down for a second again, deciding that getting up slowly was a better resolution. Carefully planing his movements this time he came to eye level to his friend and rubbed his tired eyes with his hands. "It's your turn to sleep. I'll do the paddling for some time." "No. It will get too hot. You're already drained, you need to rest." "The same for you." "I can go a few miles more." "Joshua, I am the stubborn one, remember?" "You' re not really gonna full-name me, don't you?" "I''m gonna all Joshua William Dun you if you don't stop arguing with me." 

Glaring at each other, but not able to hold it up for long they both started to smile at the same moment. "You know what?" Josh finally said, pulling the paddle out of the water and placing it between them. "Maybe we should just both take some time to rest. It's not like we got a place we're going to." As if to highlight his words a drop of white liquid fell from the sky and splashed on the paddle between them. Dumbfolded both of them leaned foreward, knocked their heads against each other, groaned, laughed, and then got on to observe what had hit them. Hesitantly dragging his fingers through the small drop Tyler brought them to his nose and grimaced, quickly whiping his hand clean on one of the cloths and looking up to the sky.

"Perfect, even the birds give a literally shit about us!" he hissed, not recognising how Joshs front crincled and the drummer began to frantically searching the clouds for the small flying animals. "I mean, there's like endless water around here and they shit directly on us? Is that some kind of joke or..." "Tyler! Birds!" Being interrupted by his friends nearly cheerfull sounding voice the singer rose an eyebrow and tried to learn if Josh was already in delirium of dehydration. "Yeah...birds." he answered carefully, still not getting why the drummer seemd so glad about them. Ripping his gaze from the sky facing him Joshs face broke into a big smile then. "They need a place to live, like solid ground! Birds mean that there must be land somewhere...or a rock...at least anything stable!"

Blinking a few times Tyler processed the information and second guessed it just to come to the conclusion his friend were right. "I love you, birds!" he yelled at the sky then, jumping up and covering his eyes with one hand to take a look around. Josh stood beside him and they searched the horizon till the younger gripped his friends arm thight. "I think...there..." Tyler pointed out at a small, black dot on the horizon, too far away to be identified. "Yeah...could be!" The other gave back and fell to his knees, snatched the puddle and began to move them foreward again. 

Filled with new hope Tyler went down beside him and started to shift water with his bare hands in attempt to speed them up. They got on like this for a while before Josh suddenly stopped in his motion, cursed, and snatched his friends shoulders to still him too. "Ty...slow down! It's too far away to reach it so fast. We need to go slow...we can't overstrain us." "Oh, come on, if we just..." "Tyler, no." Starring frustrated at his hurting hands the singer gave in then, feeling all despair hitting back at him at once. He slumbed into himself and hissed. "This is just...Fuck. I mean...why us? Why the fuck us? What have we done?" 

Josh felt the tremble more then he saw it, still he decided not to wait until it got harder. Stabeling himself he let his hand slip around the others neck and pulled him close, hugged him in attempt to stop the attack before it even began. "It's ok! We will get there, I swear to you. We just need to be patient, ok?" Tylers sobs just got louder as his brain gave in to the pressure of the facts. "Josh...I...she is..." "I know. I know, man." gripping him thighter the drummer stroked his friends back and hair, desperate to calm him down as seeing Tyler suffer so hard hurted himself deep inside. 

"See, I know there is nothing for me to say to make it better right now...but I promise you we will get through this! I won't let you alone, ok, we will make it through somehow and we will return home and see our families and we'll burry our friends and we will live until we're old and grey and even more stupid then we are now." 

 

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The families had always been close since the day Josh and Tyler started to leave their homes to tour together. Even in the first years, when their travels hadn't took them much further then into the next state their parents had kept a close connection to each other, ensured each other somehow that they were going to be ok. Laura, Kelly, Bill and Chris knew very well how important their sons had been for each other. 

Before they met Tyler had been on the verge of self destruct all time and Josh had fought everyone around him because he couldn't get rid of the anxoiusness he felt inside. Nobody could explain it, but when they met, they just clicked in place. The changes had been subtle and yet so significant that their parents had picked up on it instantly. Tyler started to smile more, there was suddenly light in his eyes were only depression had jittered for a long time. Josh calmed down and got a hold of his temper, changed into the genuine guy he had been as a kid again. 

Of course they had wondered from time to time, of course all of them had looked at the boys in sorrow, not sure if what they called friendship wasn't something more. Not that their families would have rejected them if it had been the case...but still they all let out an common deep breath as Tyler finally put a ring on Jennas finger. Debby had been welcomed into the families as well and all of them had been sad as Josh and her decided to break up. 

Now, sharing the same misery, the parents found again comfort in each other. Kelly and Laura sank down on the couch crying loud and open as the Duns arrived at the Josephs house. Bill and Chris watched helpless, looked at each other kind of shy, but finally fell into a hug too. It where the kids that stayed strong in that moment, all of them nearly grown up and still too young to accept the fate life tried to force on them. Helping Jordan with his crutches Jay shut the front door and gestured him and Abby to follow to the kitchen. 

"Did you get any more infos?" Jordan asked, placing himself on a barstool and his broken leg on another. "Not really. But the clues that it was a bomb instensify. Their managers are on it, the whole crew in europe is too, but officials refuse to say too much at that point. Appearently they have sended out military rescue teams to search the area where they expect the plane has crashed." Chocking on the last few words Jay turned and switched the coffe maker on, filled it up with water to cover the way he nearly started to cry again. 

"There must be something we can do!" Abigail broke into the silence suddenly. Until now he had pretty much been in deep shock, had not talked much, but now it seemed the dam had broken. "We...we can't just sit here and wait! We need to get there! We need to get a copter and help to search for them! I won't let my brother die! I...." Getting more and more angry she drove her fists down on the counter, tears shooting up her eyes. Jordan would have hugged her but he couldn't get up quickly enough so it was Jay that chased after her as she turned and just started to run, ran out the door and down the street. 

Immideatly Chris appeared in the kitchen. "Jordan, what's wrong?" Shaking his head slightly, starring down at his hands the boy bit back a sob on his own. "It's ok...Abby just had to vent. Jay is with her. It's ok." Well knowing that nothing was ok by know Chris just let it be. There was nothing to make the situation better anyway.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

About ten miles from home Zack came to himself again. All of the last two hours had been a bliss, he didn't really knew how he had made it that far without an accident. It was the ringing of his phone that brought him back to reality and he answered it without checking who it was. It didn't matter. They all would have the same topic by now. Still he was surprised to hear the voice of one of the closest friends and at the same time great idol of his brother. Brendon had welcomed Tyler and Josh to the < Fueled by Ramen > family with kindness and love, and as hard and bad mannered the singer sometimes seemed to the outside world, he was a great and warm person on the inside.

"Hey, man! How are you?" Brendon asked, without even waiting for Zack to say something. The latter knew by know that kind disclaiming was useless against the singer. "I don't know if I should cry or scream first." "Do both, it helps, trust me, I'm already through with it." It was strange that he found comfort in the others words, as Brendon wasn't really a friend of himself, still it was soothing to know that there were so many people thinking of his brother and his best friend.

"But, to be true, just as you won't be I wasn't satisfied with moaning and waiting. Zack, I called the guys at the label and nearly every other of our bands. We will throw some money together. Tylers manager is already searching for a private company to hire some helicopters and a few people to help with the search. We won't left a stone unturned until we find them, I promise!" Overwhelmed by this act of kindness Zack had to stop his car for a moment to whipe his overboarding eyes clean. "Bren...that is...." "The least we can do right now! You know I love them both with all my heart, they're such good people..." Smiling through his tears Zack sighed. "Yeah, they are." 

 

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Latest as the plane rolled to the runway Ashley began to panic. Jesse could feel it in the way she gripped his hand so thight that it hurt and how she pressed her face into his neck, wettning his hair with tears. When the engines started to roar her breath became irregular and Jesse didn't know what to do, haveing her rush into a panic attack was pretty much the most worse thing right now, so, without thinking about it, he placed a hand on her chin and raised it, pressed his lips against hers. 

It wasn't a kiss of love, they both felt it, it was a action of comfort, of telling her that she was safe, that what had happened to her brother was unlikely to happen to her too. Ashley understood, he could tell, as she kissed him back, desperate to let the time of the start pass until they reached the right high and the plane got stable. Breaking away breathless Ashley reached for his face and stroked his cheek. "Thank you so much!" she whispered and Jesse tried to fake a smile although all of his happiness had been left on the ground back in LA. 

"You know..." trying to find words that didn't sound hollow and lame Jesse took her hands in his and let his finger streak hers, "Joshua and you have done so much for me, I'm pretty sure the both of you never realise how much it actually were. Without the two of you...I don't know where I'd be today. I'm so sorry that this is happening to him...it's not fair! It kills me to know that I can't help him right now...but at least I can be there for you. Thank you for letting me, Ash...it means a lot." 

Leaning her head on his shoulder then Ashley closed her eyes and tried to dream herself away while Jesse starred blank at the seat before him, wondering if that was what Josh had done when he realised they were about to crash.


	6. Finding Comfort

They wouldn't make it that and maybe even not the next day they realised somewhere around noon. Appearently birds flew pretty far from land, of course, it was no effort for them to get back there, at least less then for two men struggling with the withstand of water. After his breakdown Tyler had become silent and his friend hat decided to leave it that way. Not that Josh wouldn't have wanted the younger to vent, to get his feelings out of his mind, but to be honest he had a pretty hard time dealing with his own feelings then. 

In wordless agreement they took shifts on the paddling, the other always taking up on subtle signs of exhaution of the one in charge, taking the metal calmly out of hands, shifting in place. Josh groaned as it was his turn to rest and he sprawled his weary body face down on a pile of cloathes. For like the hundreth time that day a thought threatened to cross his mind and while he had been able to surpress it as long as he was working he was defensless to it right then. 

It was hopeless what they did, nearly comical. Even if they managed to get closer to land during the day, what was pretty uncertain as there were currents all around them, they would loose track of where to go in the night. The drummer wished he had payed closer attention to the stories of his grandpa, who had been a soldier. Vague he remembered the old man talking about the position of the stars and how he held on to them when he fleed the enemy. Even his father would have known at least a few of them. Settling old scores with himself Josh came to the conclusion that, in terms of survival, he was a fail. 

There was literally nothing he knew about finding water. No clue about how to find food. He had never build a propper shelter, if you don't count the one's he did as a little kid, and, what maybe was the worst part, he had no idea how to treat wounds or aid. That all said it became more and more callous to him if they would manage to get to land or not. Sooner or later they would die anyway. He was so fucking tired that he couldn't move a bit, and still sleep refused to come. Trying to get his mind under controll Josh focused on the task of observing the situation neutral. 

The last time they had drunken something was...he couldn't remember. It could have been the morning before or the evening. Worried he tried to come up with other things of the last two days and found that there were more gaps in his memory. It freaked him out entirely, so much that he pushed himself up, plunged his hands into the water and splashed some in his face. Still he felt disconnected to himself, out of breath, sick...all of a sudden. If it wasn't for the arms placing on his chest, the body stabeling his from behind he may have went into a full anxiety attack. 

"You shouldn't do that." Tyler said calmly, the first thing in hours that left his lips. "You should not overthink. Shut it out, keep it down. We just can't break now. Not now, ok?" Matching his breath to the one's he felt closely to his back Josh slowly calmed down a bit. He were right, if they gave in now it would have been all for nothing...and somehow he just couldn't believe fate had late them get through until now to just let them die so easy. "Thank you." he whispered as he finally felt strong enough to sit up fully and let go of the terror for a while. Tilting his head for a moment and shooting him a strange, nearly sad look Tyler sighed and got back into place to keep them moving foreward. "I think we're past that, boy." 

 

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There's a say that the value of a person shows in the way she or her is moaned if passed. If that was any right the two missing must had a greater value to the world then they realised. When Ashley and Jesse arrived at the Josephs house every room was filled with people. There weren't only their families, an near living aunt, the granpas. There were neighbours and friends of the boys, magnetic drawn to this place were they all found comfort in each other. 

Leaving Ashley to the arms of her parents Jesse decided to retreat into the garden, to get some fresh air. It was chilly in Ohio, cold in compare with LA and he totally got why Josh had left his hometown to live in the sun. Recalling the way they met and how their friendship developed from there Jesse let himself feeling hurt and sad for the first time since he learned that his friend had gone missing. 

Josh had always been kind of a spiritual person, just like himself, so Jesse didn't feel weired to close his eyes, picture his friends face and try to send him energy, no matter where he was right now. Even if he were dead...his soul would apreciate the flow coming it's way. He didn't recognise Zack stepping out onto the grass beside him until he heared a lighter flicker, and turned surprised. 

Taking a deep draft and caughing the smoke out immediatly Tylers younger brother held a box of cigarettes out to him and Jesse really considered to take one for a moment, but then declined. "You started again?" "I never did in first place." Furrowing his brow Jesse sighed. He didn't knew Tyler's family that well, but he for sure knew how close the brothers were to each other, especially Zack and Ty. "I guess you've heard < I'm sorry > too much by now. So I'll say...your brother has a strong mind and will. I'm sure if he got the chance he did all to fight." 

Snorting Zack did another drag and blew the smoke into the clear air. "Nice try, Jesse. But we both know that they are likely to be dead." "I wouldn't have taken you for someone to give up so easy." "I'm just being realistic. It's not like there was an emergency landing or something." He didn't had meant to snap, but for the moment it was hard for Zack to controll himself and he was glad the other accepted that. "It's ok to be sad." Jesse offered softly, pushing the others shoulder lightly with his own. 

"I'm not sad. I'm angry. Tyler always took risks, as long as I know him. It was stupid to think there would never happen anything if they are on the road all the time. No other band tours like that, it was just a matter of time that something had to happen. It was selfish of him to leave us all behind for his own pleasure." Everyone had his own way to deal with pain and obviously Zacks' was rage. Jesse knew better then to talk him down. Tylers brother needed the fire the fury filled him with to keep going, so he just stayed beside him and they watched together as the smoke vanished into the sky. 

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Sitting in a random dressroom, taking time to calm down a little Brendon watched his hands. The dissapearence of their friends affected him a lot more then he was ready to tell the others. He had been one of the moving spirits behind getting < twentyonepilots> signed to < Fueled by Ramen >. The singer had never told the duo about it, but he had followed their traces from pretty early on, when an old friend down in Ohio told him about a young, groundbraking band that made a lot of rumour.

Still Brendon had waited until they got from being fairly local to have at least a decent fanbase before he suggested their label bosses to take a look on them. He knew very well that both of the boys listed him as one of their greatest idols...little did they know how much respect he really held for them in return. Tyler was the most talented song writer he ever met, and he was stunned by the way their music seemed to take over hearts with no afford, healed souls with only a few simple melodys. 

He could remember the night long talks he have had with both of them back then when he choosed them to be one of his bands' supports. Brendon knew that they happened to kind of share their fanbase, at least Panics' followers had always been kind against the clique and the other way around. Wondering if he should say something on stage tonight he nearly overheared the knock on the door, but got it finally. 

It was Dallon, of course, the bassist had payed heet to stay close to him since they had learned about the crash, he knew Brendon way too well to not assume that he would be thrown in a dark playce of mind by that. "Something new?" the singer asked hopefully as his friend slumbed down on the couch beside him. "Well...yes...but I'm afraid it's no good news." "I don't think it can get any worse so..." "The company we hired has contacted the rescue squad the officials sended out. They were at least able to pin a certain area where they might be. They also have found first traces of the plane...some torn metal and one or two pieces of lagguage...but no people so far. They say given the thought it was a bomb and the place the plane is suggested to went down...it is nearly impossible anyone has survived that." 

Running his hands through his hair Brendon stood up then and stretched his sour neck. "Do you think I should adress the fans about it?" "I don't know. Do you want to?" Feeling the cracks along his spine the singer sighed. "I think I own it to them." 

 

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"Come on Tyler, just one single draft!" "Hell, no! I'm ok, stop babysitting me!" "You're not! You passed out like five times in the last hour and you slur! Fuck, Ty, you NEED to drink!" "And what about you?" They both hadn't meant to get so heated about the simple fact of drinking the rest of the wine, but with strained nerves and hurting bodys it was hard so stay factual. Still Josh was convinced that his friend needed the liquid a lot more then himself. He had observed the younger well in the past hours, recognising all the signs of servere dehydration. 

"I'm alright. I'm used to sweat the hell outa me when we're on stage." "Oh, and I'm not, hugh?" "Well, pardon me, but you sit behind a piano and pick a ukulele, that's not quite as draining as hitting drums." "Don't you test me out!" "Or what, you'll take me down? Sorry Babyboy, I don't think you're in the physical or psychological stage to threaten me right now." Getting angry on the fact Josh got him laughing Tyler gave a strange appearence as he grimaced and balled his fists at the same time. 

"Ok, that's not leading anywhere. We need to find a way to decide that." "Maybe we can ask the birds to do that? Whoever they shit on next get's the rest of the bottle." "Tyler, stop being stupid!" "That was a serious suggestion!" Shaking his head Josh let fall himself on his back frustrated and threw his hands in the air. "Fine, if you want to die on thirst so badly, go ahead." He saw the flicker of orange in the water and recognised the beauty of the evening sky, still the drummer couldn't find any good in it right now. The darkness would swallow them soon and leave them even more exposed to the dangers around them. Josh was really surprised that they hadn't encountered any predator fish by now. Rolling to the side he was met with the sight of his friend placing himself beside him on his back, crossing his arms behind his head and closing his eyes for a moment. 

Taking his heart in his hands the drummer took a deep breath before he reached out his hand and let his fingertips cast over the youngers features. "Ty...please, ok? Just drink. I...I can't loose you, I really can't. I know you think just the same about me, but we need to put our emotions beside and think rationally. I'm in way better shape then you right now. You lost a lot of blood, not to mention the vomiting. You're thinner then me and you don't train as much as I do. You need it more."

The singer did not open his eyes or move, he just lay there and savoured the feeling of the light strokes on his cheeks, his front, his nose. "I'm not even sure if I want to live any longer." he whispered as the drummers fingers brushed his lips. Josh held back from answering as he didn't wanted to start another fight, but rolled a little closer so he could drap his arm over the youngers chest, rest his head on his shoulder and listened. "I wish so much we'd started to work on a family sooner. It was one of her biggest dreams to be a mother. If I would have managed to get her pregnant right away...she wouldn't have been on that plane." 

"Tyler, you know that's bullshit. First of all Jenna would have come with us anyway, she was way more stubborn then you. And second...you can't blame yourself for her death, neither can I. It was destiny, in a way." Letting the dawn slowly sinking down on them they both cuddled closer, holding on to each other while they waited for the darkness to come back. "There's no sense behind that destiny. She was such a pure soul, Josh...she...she never did anything bad. I would have deserved it so much more. And all the others...I can't stop to think about it. What if they were alive? What if they drowned on full conciousness because they just couldn't get out? How can a god justify something like that? So many souls, so many of them good ones." 

Enjoying the warmth as Tyler rested his chin on his head the drummer sighed again. "I'd really like to tell you that god's ways may be mysterious but always good in the end. It's just...I guess I struggle with faith as much as you do right now." They lay in silence for some minutes, fingers and hands absently stroking backs and arms, providing security in a world of chaos and pain. "Joshua?" Nearly asleep the older forced himself to focus, as he felt what was about to come was imporant. "Yeah?" "There's noone else in the world I'd wish to be with in this right now." "Hm...I think I'll try to take that as a compliment." Snickering lightly Tyler placed a kiss on his temple before he tried to find some sleep himself. "I love you. I love you a lot." the singer whispered before he passed out.


	7. Stay alive

Tyler really didn't want to wake up, still he fought to get to the surface of his conciousness as the thunder returned a second time. Despite the warm body that were wrapped thightly around his a shiver ran through him on the sound. Trying not to wake Josh, as he didn't wanted to upset the other for nothing, he turned his head into the direction the sound had came from and saw the flicker of a lightning far away. His heart sped up immideatly and as if the change of beat had indicated that something was wrong Josh stirred on his chest, raising his head sleepy just to let him fall against the younger again, rubbing his face on his friends shoulder. 

"wsflkg" the drummer groaned unambigous, clearly still catched in the warm embrace of sleep. "Josh...Joshua! Get up man! I think a storm is coming!" Impatient Tyler shoved the older off of him and hurried to search for their puddle in the blackness of the night. He found it quick, tried to orientate himself, gave up on that when he heared another thunder crack and started to move them away, just away from the clouds behind them, that swallowed every bit of light that were left just to set it free in a bundle of electricity from now and then. 

Swlowly Joshs' brain caught up on what was happening and with a curse deep out of his soul he was quick to help the singer with his bare hands. Still the storm was far enough away to not roughen the sea around them, but the way the hairs on their neck stood up they both could tell that it was only a matter of time until the wind was catching up on them. Josh felt a familiar tingle in his brain...it was the same that he had felt when he had fought their way out of the sinking plane. His natural will to survive started to take over and drove him to physical best performances. Blind of the panic that rose in him he gave up on shoving water with his hands and turned, crawling to the other side of the rag and slipped himself into the water, started to swim and push it forewards timed to Tylers movements with the puddle.

The singer recognised the changing speed and turned, squinted his eyes so he could see anything and frowned. "Are you crazy? Get out of the water!" "Shut up and keep going, we don't have the time to argue!" "Seriously, Josh, get out, there's lightning!" "It's far away!" "It's water, idiot! It doesn't matter how far away the lightning is, you'll get fried that way!" "I don't care! Go on!" As if to underline his words another round of thunder came, a lot closer this time. It was maybe the first time in their whole friendship Tyler gave in that easy, but fear got a hold of him, so he gave a deep hearted "Fuck!" and started to work again. 

That it was a loosing game hit them the moment the wind picked up and started to slowly raise waves around them. Tyler tried hard to get them further foreward, but soon accepted that it was a fruitless attempt as the water already started to throw their shelter around like it pleased too. Tears welling up his eyes he threw the peddal beside him and hurried to get to the other side, grabbed his friends wrists and yanked him out of the water. "Come up, here, it's senseless!" "No, let me go, we can make it!" "No, Josh, we can't! Just come up here and hold on to me...maybe we don't get struck by lightning...maybe we..." 

As if to mock him the storm started to pick up more, an blast of wind passed between them and ripped his words away from his mouth. That was when Tyler had enough. Again he snatched his friends arm and violently pulled him out of the water, pressed them both flat on the metal surface. Out of an inspiration Tyler snatched a belt that thankfully lay around and tied them together, tried not to sound to freaked out as he yelled. "Stay low! We have to prevent to flip over!" "It's a fucking piece of metal, Ty! We're gonna be struck anyway!" The roaring sound above them interrupted their conversation then and as if they both felt like being sushed by mother nature they just pressed their bodys closer together and kept their heads low. 

It wasn't for long that the rain started, and the water around them started to rage. Two, three waves washed over them before they both where thrown off their raft and into the water, yelling and trying to get a hold on the other. Tyler's improved lifeline was the only thing that prevented them from drifting appart as they both started to swim for their lifes, water splashing above their heads, shifting them in all directions at once. Another lightning shot over their heads, thankfull not into the water, it was bright enough to leave them both blind for seconds. 

Josh tried, he tried with all might to stay above, to not give in to the pull of the void under him, but at the same time he felt his will fade, his mind giving in to the unavoidable. When the world went dark around him and his body started to drown Tylers name was the last thing that left his lips.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Knocking lightly on the front door Tylers manager had not thought that he would have to deal with so many people. Knowing the two musicians pretty well he was aware that a lot of people gave loads on them as they were not only kind but bordered on being inspirational, still it surprised him to find the Josephs house that crowded. He had hoped to speak to the parents one on one, now he sat on a uncomfortable chair in the living room, nearly thirty pairs of eyes on him. "So...uhm..." While he had driven down to Colombus he had disposed what he was going to say, but all of that prepared sentences left him at once. 

"There...are some news I have to tell you. It's good and bad ones." Helplessly searching for someone to look at, to adress, he found the eyes of his clients brother. Zack was the most known to him, as he had attendet some of the duos concert and had been on stage with them several times. Fixing the young mans eyes he got on. "First: The official rescue teams have been able to find survivors, three to be exact. It's a stewardess, a young man and a girl, they have managed get to one of the rubber rafts that were stored in the plane." Collective everyone held their breaths and he hated to do this, but he knew he had to destroy their hopes before they got too high. 

"Tha bad thing is...the stewardess confirmed that a bomb was set off at the plane. She could locate the row it exploded in...it was the one Mark and Michael were set. As far as she knows noone who were around less then two rows survived the explotion." A sob broke the silence for a moment as Marks girlfriend jumped up and left the room, two of their friends following her fast. Gathering himself the manager got on. "Josh, Tyler and Jenna might have been far away enough to not be killed by the bomb...still...the stewardess said she and the other survivers sticked around the crash sight for the night and the next day and tried to find other passengers...but there were none." 

Zacks face hardened at his next words, but his gaze were locked deep to the managers eyes as if he encouraged him to go through with this. "I think we have to face the fact that...that they haven't survived the incident. Of course the company we assigned will search further as well as the officials will...but....the possibility that we ever find them is around zero. I'm sorry...I truly am." Some seconds of shock passed before the noises rose, the questions were thrown, the tears and sounds of desperation shared. Stepping forward and tapping the managers shoulder Zack gestured him to follow into the kitchen where they could talk in private.

The man was glad to escape the accomponied suffer of all the relatives and friends, it was way easier to deal with only one person. "When does the label plan to announce their death to the clique?" Zack asked without ceremony, his voice a hint too controlled for what he had just heared. "I...we've not planned something yet. It's the first time we have to deal with such circumstances, so there's no procedure." "Then I will do it. Give me the passwords to all band accounts." "Zack...there's still hope that they..." Forceful the young man stopped the manager then. "No, there's not! You've said it yourself! They are dead, gone! There's no need in raising false expectations." 

Feeling regret for his reaction as he saw the mans stunned face Zack got on more quiet. "See...my family will need years to comes to terms with that...if we ever will. It doesn't exactly help them to heal if there are thousands of messages every day regarding to prayers or head-ups for something that will not happen! I'll set an end to this. I'll tell the fans that it's over, and they have to back up. I have to defend my family right now, and I really hope you are able to acccept that."

 

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Tyler had thought that waking up to the fact that his wife was dead was the worst thing that could ever happen in his life. He had been not prepared for the terror of nearly drowning in a storm, of being thrown around helpless in deep water, clinging on to his lifeless friend, the only thing holding them above the surface the life vests that, what was kind of a miracle it's own, still were functional. The singer didn't knew why he hadn't blacked out somewhen, although he really, really wished he would as he was pressed under water again and again and got barly enough, yet too less oxygene every time he managed to come up again. 

When he had thought that he'd already been in the worst hell it had only gotten even more bad. While the wind howled around them and lightning flickered above their heads he had suddenly been smashed against something hard, had tried to yell, gulped water, shut his mouth, collided again with the object. It was then when he let go entirely and gave up, handed himself over to the ocean. The next thing he knew was that there was suddenly ground under his feet, for only a split of a second before a wave got them and pushed them further. 

Disorientated and out of his mind Tyler couldn't realise what was going on as he felt sand between his fingers, as the wind ripped on his hair and the rest of his clothes, but the water suddenly dissapeared, subsided for mere seconds before it came back and pushed him further up the beach. Like a sign of god, like the push he needed to get going again a lightning strike finally crashed into the sea with an unbelieveable loud noise that froze his veins and pumbed his heart up. Tyler took off like a runner only to be brutaly yanked back by the belt connecting him to his friend and he landed in a violent motion on his back near beside the drummer, crying out in pain and frustration. 

"FUCKKKK YOUUUU!" he yelled, pulling himself up once again, gripping Joshs arm, lifting him as good as he could and started to head landward, screaming whenever his lungs had enough air to do so. "YOU WILL NOT KILL US!" "NOT US! YOU GOT NO IDEA WHO YOU'RE MESSING WITH!" The wind lashed the rain on them from all sides and stumbling in the sand Tyler frantically let his eyes roam for something they could hide under but all that sourrounded them were straight high rocks. Still there seemed a place in a corner were two of them met that seemed to be a little less windy, and Tyler fixed it, getting the rest out of himself as he pulled the drummer with him. 

Once in relatively secure he flipped his friend on the back and let his shaking hands fly up to his neck. Joshs heart was beating. Good point. Leaning down quick and placing his cheeck above the others face Tyler tried hard to see through his soaked eyes if the olders chest rose, if he could feel a breath on his face, but there was nothing. He had no idea how long Josh had been under water, when exactly he passed out. Right now he was more dead then alive. "Fuck!" hissing again and driving his fist into the sand beside the others head Tyler lost it for a minute, but gathered his thoughts somehow. 

Michael had made them attending the First Aid Class all of their crew had been bound to taken. Of course he and Josh had fooled around, they were rarly alone anywhere and trusted their people to take care of everything, but there were a few things that had been cemented in his brain. Carfully he opened the drummers lips and tilted his head aside, stucking his finger into the others mouth to make sure there was nothing in it that could choke him. Turning Joshs head back again he overstrained his friends neck, remembering that his tongue would not block the air this way. 

Starting to cry violently Tyler bent down and connected their lips, blowing the breath he had just taken deep into his friends lungs, turning his head as the air was spent, taking another deep one his self. He proceeded a few times before he broke away, checked and listened, still found no sign that Josh breathed again on his own. "FUCK! JOSHUA! WAKE UP!" he yelled at the other, repeating the rescue breathing. No longer aware of the storm the singer focused with his entire beeing on a pray while he continued to be the breath his friend failed until suddenly, nearly too fast for his mind, a groan slipped part Joshs lips. 

"YEAH!" pushing his fists up in the air before gripping his friends head and turning it aside, just in time to let the water he threw up splash out of it Tyler stroked the drummers hair, whispered his name, over and over and over, ghosting his hand over his nose every second just to be sure he was really breathing again. When Josh came to something like being awake, when his eyes fluttered and he inhaled deeply Tyler closed his arms around him thight and shook them both so hard they fell to the ground beside each other. Covering the drummers face with kisses he realised he might been somewhere melodramatic but...the fuck...they had been through hell. Things just could get better from then on. 

 

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@twentyonepilots

Dear frens! 

When I stood on the stage of Madison Square Garden beside my brother this summer, I understood for the first time what he was talking of when he told me how special you people make his life, every of his shows. I understood why you all meaned so much to him and I was glad and thankfull that he had finally found something like a purpose...he has struggled with that task for way to long. 

I know there's one particular thing Tyler was always poud of when it came down to you, the clique. Your ability to treat each other like family, to lean onto each other when times get rough fascinated him beyond all messuares. Today I have to ask you to take care of this ability. Take good care of it, remember all your friends that might be effected by this message, and contact them. Talk to each other...it's important. 

It's what our family are doing. And by family I don't only mean my siblings and parents, but also Josh Duns family as well as all the others that have to deal with the grief we are in right now.   
I really wish I could tell you otherwise. I can't even wrap my mind around it myself at the moment, but I need you to know, so you can understand what I need from you. 

The plane my brother Tyler, his friend Josh, my sister in law Jenna...and so many other people I knew closely were in was attacked by a terrorist. A bomb were set off that killed some of our friends right away. We can not say for sure that everyone we know were killed by the crash...but by time we are pretty sure that none of them made it through the aftermath. It's not that we've given up hope, we keep on searching, we won't stop until we know what happened to them, but with every hour passing the teams keep searching for bodys instead of survivors. 

I'm aware that I probably shouldn't tell you this things, they are maybe not even official, but I really don't care. The life of my entire family and half of the people we call friends has been changed entirely. You all have lost two idols, I know and respect that, I understand you feel pain. But please, please, whatever you tweet or post or like or say: Remember that we have lost friends, brothers and sons. 

Quit making weired conspiracy theories. If Tyler would have wanted to dissapear from the public eye he would have faked his death on stage. He was that kind of dramatical. 

Quit telling us how sorry you are. I get it, you're sorry. But, to be honest...give it a few months and you will walk own, and a few years and you will maybe share some stories about < that band that died on a plane > or something. For me, for our family this will never go away. So spare us your pitty.

Quit even thinking about killing yourself because of this. Neither Tyler nor Josh would have aproved that ever. They are not waiting for you on the other side or something. Take up your live. Create. Do something. Live. And mostly: Stay alive!

I'm sorry if I sound harsh or if I'm unfair. I'm tired and I'm hurt and I'll have to stand so many tears of so many people waiting for an answer on why this had to happen. I hope you understand that none of us can deal with you all at the moment. It's not that we wouldn't be thankfull for your support. But...if you could keep your support silent for a while, just long enough for our shock to settle in, I'd own you the world. 

Zack Joseph   
in name of all familys affected I-/


	8. Let go

The silence of the house bothered him too much to stay inside, so Bill snatched his jacket and went out on the porch to clear his head. His wife was asleep in the embrace of her daughters, her younger son on the couch beside them, the Josephs upstairs, all of them emotionally drained from the days happenings. Joshs father really had to remark how well Zack had done that day. 

After the visit from Tylers manager he had politly but with insistence removed every person from the house that not needed necessarly to be there. He took care of the crews relatives, made sure they got help if needed. He ordered food for everyone who stayed. Jordan had helped him where he could, what hadn't been much given his broken leg, still Chris and him couldn't have been more proud of their second born boys. If it hadn't been for the circumstances they may had cheered on that. 

Recognising a slight movement out of the corner of his eye Bill got ripped out of his trail of thoughts. I the rocking chair in the corner sat Jesse, who had became a close friend to his kids since Josh and Ashley had spent most of their time in LA. Bill knew about all the troubles the artist had been through, and how hard his kids had tried to help him out. He had been glad to hear that everything seemed to go well for him in the last time. 

Rocking slightly back and forth Jesse sat there with closed eyes, a hum on his lips. Mesmerized by the somehow peacefull sight the older man strained his ears, smiled and shared a tear at the same time as he recognised one of the songs his son had performed nearly daily with his best friend on stage. Jesse did recognise him though, somehow Bill knew that, but he didn't disturb whatever riutal he were doing, just waited till the artist had finished and opened his eyes.

"I haven't even taken the time to thank you for comforting Ashley. It was calming to know that she was at least with a friend as she heared it." The older man sat down on a wooden bench then and interwined his fingers, like if he would get ready to pray. "You don't need to thank me for anything. They are family for me. So are you." A hand found a place on his knee and Bill was thankfull for the gesture as it was so honest and warm that it helped to fill his empty heart at least a bit. 

"Whatever everyone else says...Josh is not gone, neither is Ty. They are around, they will always be, no matter if we meet them again in their physical form." "I hope you pardon me, but I'm not very religious at the moment." "I wasn't talking about religion." Listening to the concert of the morning for a moment they marvled the beautiful sound of the world coming awake. "I wish they'd found his body." Bill said out of nowhere then, the words falling heavy between them, rolling away on the floor. "I wish I could burry my son. The thought of him being out there...injured, scared...and maybe about to die slowly..." He didn't need to add more, Jesse was enough of a feeler to understand. 

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Tired, so fully tired of functioning Tyler lay down another time in the sand and checked mechanically if his friend was still alive. Between being spent and on the edge of his nerves he had got no sleep since...forever. The singer had stopped to count the minutes as he realised time had no value. 

The storm had ended as fast as it had began but the rest of the night had been bad, really ugly bad, when he clinged onto his friend and cried and closed his eyes and just wished they wouldn't die, not after they escaped the water. It had been the lonliest he had ever been and there was so much he realised, so many new questions, so many new melodys planted in his head. Sometimes being alone meant to be all with his own, synchronising. When the morning came the sun started to dry up all signs of the nights rage around them. 

Whenever he could, whenever his body had at least a little energy to provide he got up and tow himself around. First it had been to find a way out from where they was or a shelter, but as he couldn't go very far before his legs gave in he sticked to search for more simple needs. 

The rock was plastered with wholes, sculptured by water and wind. In them the rain had collected and after teaching himself a hard lesson about not drinking too much at a time Tylers brain seemed to suck up the liquid and directly turn it into ideas. He found a way to save up as much as he could, then lay down for hours, resting and observing how the drummers chest raise and fell. For what had happened they had took surprisingly less damage. Sure, the constant sharp pain in his left hip when he did the wrong movements worried him a bit, and the sight of the drummers left shoulder looking pretty dislocated left him sick, but being smashed against rocks and thrown around by water could have ended up a lot worse.

As his body refused to work Tyler trained his brain. He knew that he had to come up with any kind of treatment for Josh when he woke up, there was no doubt that he would be in serious pain. Coming up with movies he had seen fist his thoughts trailed to books he had read. Filing everything that came handy in a certain part of his mind he slowly got ideas on how to get on from there. Sometimes having an overstructured personality definitly had it's benefits. 

Letting the heat of noon pass them by Tyler rose again in the afternoon, challenging himself down to the ocean, the line where the water met the sand, even if all his insides screamed for him to get away from it. He choosed a rock to sit on, because he was afraid to be toched by the small waves rolling ontto the beach. Looking out to the endless water he allowed his soul a moment of grief, as he recognised it had the same colour her eyes have had. He would never see those eyes again, he realised. The worst part about it was that when he closed his own and memorized how they had looked he did not see the warmth, amazed gaze, full of live and love and joy the day he married her...what was left back was the fear, the panic, the breaking sanity they had displayed as the plane was going down. 

Being focused on the task of surviving right now Tyler knew very well that he had not accepted Jennas death. He knew about it, played along with it, but the real problem would be to cope with it if he survived himself, if he returned where his home used to was. She had made it theirs. She had decorated the rooms, painted the walls, stuffed the furniture in while he was away, living his dream. Coming home would mean finding the hallway, the kitchen, their bed empty. The singer had no idea how he should come over that. 

Yet he was thankfull, downright thankfull that life had at least granted him to keep his best friend fairly safe. Loosing both of them would have destroyed him. Josh and Jenna had not only become important parts of his life – they were his life...and the half of it lay on the ground of the ocean now, gnawed at by fish, frozen in the depths of the water. Shaking the thought aside Tyler forced himself to capture the sight, to look out for a sign of life out there, but nothing then the horizon came to his eyes. It tired him out so much that he soon returned to his unconcious friend and lay down again. 

The next time he found strength to stand was in the dawn of the evening, after he had carefully drank a little more, worried realised that hunger was on the way to get the next bigger problem. As much as he wanted to leave his friend to the blackness of his mind so he didn't have to suffer too much, Tyler sensed that it was time for Josh to get water too. Both of their bodys had taken unrealistic efforts to get them where they were and from now on they really needed to take care of them. 

Shaking Josh awake did not work, even not when the singer practically screamed at him. Lastly two harsh slaps to his cheek got him to open his eyes and Tyler coughed at the force the drummer gripped his shoulder with his good hand and dug his nail into it, inhaling sharply, too overwhelmed by the sudden pain that flashed through him, the yell stuck in his throat. Quick to distract him Tyler brought the improved water bag he had made out of one of the lifevests to his mouth and tried to convey calmness. "Drink." he ordered, carefully lifting the bag so Josh could do some nips before he drove it back and waited for the drummer breath to even out. 

He could see that the older longed for more, was not able to ask for and sighed. "You'll get as much as you want, I saved up rain but you need to take it slow, ok?" Whincing on the bad reference he added: "Drinking too much at a time won't do you any good, trust me, I tried." Signalising that he had understood the drummer nodded slightly, his face mask of pain, gladly leaning into the touch as his friend let rested his hand on his temple and gave him some soothing stokes with his thumb.

"Listen, I know you probably can't talk right now. We're ok. We're safe...at least for a while. I don't know where we are but I think it's some kind of small island. We were flushed here by the storm and you passed out. I think your shoulder is either dislocated or broken. You...you stopped to breath for some time...I...I managed to get you going." Shuttering on the memory Tyler had to gather himself for a moment, wich he accomplished a lot easier as he felt fingers close around his. 

"I think we need to stay here for tonight and rest. I'm so done I can't move more then five minues before I brake down and I don't think you can move at all. I need you to recover a little, ok Joshua? I need you to stay awake and drink, and then we need to figure out what to do with your arm. Tomorrow I will try to explore a little. It seems we will be stuck here for a while."

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

< Gangsters don't cry, therefor, therefor I'm... > Zack scoffed as the line crossed his mind. Sitting in the room he and Tyler had spent all their childhood and the main part of their youth together he refused to take care of the urge to get under the shower and lay down to rest. His sister had brought their family to bed while Jordan took care of his and when everything was said and done Zack granted himself a moment of desperation for the first time since he learned that his brother might have been met with an accident. 

Some people sensed that a lot of Tylers lyrics came out of his daily life...how much that was true only a few understood. Mr. Misty-eyed...it had been an insult, a mean one that thirteen year old Zack had thrown at his older brother as jelousy took a hold of him. Not that Kelly and Chris didn't give all of their kids a lot of love and encouraged all of them in everything they did...but Tyler got way more attention, were a lot more sorrowed for. His depression had never been a secret within their family, from young age on the siblings had learned that Tyler was...different and they accepted and loved him the way he was. 

Still Zack didn't only feel closest to him, the distance that seperated them from time to time was just as prominent. It had been hard to compete with the older. It had taken him some years to understand that there was no need to do so. There had been that one big talk when Zack turned eighteen, when Tylers band started to slowly take off, when Josh entered the picture and everything seemed to change.

It had left him in tears, that time he had been the one crying as Tyler told him how proud he was to have such a brave and strong younger brother, that he thanked him for all the times he stood back so their mum could be there for her oldest son, all the moments that he had to fight alone because his parents were busy keeping Tyler alive. It had bonded them beyond measure and Zack had never been so happy in his life. That was why he couldn't let it happen, he couldn't get sad on the fact that he would never see his brother again. That was why he fleed into being pissed on him. 

"You asshole!" he adressed the older, looking at the blank space on the bed beside him, where Tyler had used to sit when they talked. "You fucking idiot! You couldn't just get a normal job like...selling those damn flowers you loved so much, couldn't you? You just had to be a rockstar, am I right? No normal death for Tyler Joseph, nope, you had to go with a bang, literally! Do you even know how much this hurts me? I don'T even want to get started on what it does to mum and dad." 

Feeling his eyes getting watered Zack just kept on talking, trying to ignore the tears streaming down his face. "I hate you, I hate you so much for doing this to us,Tyler. I h..at...e yo...u..." trying to hold on to the feeling of anger he finally broke. The memories in that room where just too many to not been drawn in by them. All the times they had hided sweets under their matresses when they were kids. All the times they had hided magazines there, when they were older. Well, mostly it had been Zack magazines that Tyler hided under his so he was the one that got into trouble when their mum found them. All the times Tyler had beat him like older brothers were supposed to do. 

Slowly taking leave on his brother Zack went through all the moments his mind has captured like through a book. When Tyler sneaked out the window for the first time to go to a party. When they tried to smoke on the roof in front of their bedroom window. When they stood together and worked off the punishment they got because their dad found out. How they beat up that guy that broke Maddies heart and told lies about her.   
Zack knew that Tyler would always have a special place in his heart and live on inside of him. But for his mind he became dead more and more with each minute that passed. 

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

"...and then Tlr sshaid....he sai...< yo josh...could youknm,n >" Sighing Dallon leaned foreward, pulled the bottle out of Brendons hand and decided that he had heard enough stories for that evening. Since the news had been announced all of them were in a bad mood. Everyone on their team knew Tyler and Josh, everyone had become friends with one or another of their crewmembers. The gaps between their shows felt like a big black funeral, with silence lingering everywhere and sadness dripping into bones. 

Brandon was as drunken as ever, it was not the amount of alcohol that had changed, but where he used to be a pretty happy drunk he sulked now big time. He got sappy, melancholic and in the end violent towards furniture, although he never attacked people. Punk life, in a way. Thing was they weren't that young anymore and had kind of a responsibility, so Dallon felt bound to try to get Brendon down. "I think you've had enough, buddy, let's get you to bed." 

 

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Eternity became another word Tyler learned to esteem as he tried to form rhymes in his brain to get the emotions out of his chest. They proceeded a neverending circle with Joshs head lying on his knees, groans of pain dripping off his lips, his face grimaced, front sweaty. Every other time, when he was sure that the drummer could take it, Tyler rose the water to his mouth again and made sure he drank enough and not too much. Shyly he did a side glance at the injury from time to time but it left him so frightened that he didn't wanted to take a full look. 

That was until Josh was finally able to speak his first words. They were quiet and more a breath, so Tyler leaned down to understand him better, holding his own air. "Pull...it....in...." the drummer whinced and his friend looked down at him puzzled. It took Tyler a few heartbeats to realise what Josh had just said, but he instantly started to shake as a reaction. "NO! Are you crazy? We don't know if it's broken and if..." "Not...broken. Promise." "Who arey you, Dr. House?" The sarcastical smirk on Joshs face faded with the caugh fit he got in and the yell of pure rage as his mind was occupied with the constant pain. Assambling all the strength he could find Josh broke out clear. "Tyler...I'm sure. Please. Just do it."

Gripping his own head with his hands Tyler took a shaky breath. "Fuck. Ok. Let's do it." Without waiting for his axiety to set in the singer focused his gaze on his friends shoulder then. It looked wrong placed, but there was no skin hurted, no bone visible. Maybe Josh was right, maybe just the ball joint had been pushed out. A further obersvation was inpossible as he had to close his eyes to note puke right then and there just on the imagination of how painfull that was and would be. 

"I...I think we need to turn you around..." Biting his lip and starting to move Josh nodded frantically, willing to do everything if just the pain ended, but a hand on his waist slowed him down. "Easy, chill. Breath." Stabeling his loose shoulder Tyler spun him around slowly, with as less motion to the injury as possible. It still hurted like hell but it had become bearable. When the drummer finally lay face down Tyler let go of him for a while to prepare himself mentally. He snatched a piece of clothes lying around them and rose his friends head, for comfort and for holding on to it while the torture that came.

Sitting back then Tyler closed his eyes for a minute and went still, focusing himself. This had to go smooth at the first try. There were no second. If he fucked up...he didn't even wanted to think about it. Quietly he began to speak, while he opened his eyes and searched for the right spot to place his hands and knees. "Joshie...I...need you to promise me something." "What...ever..you...waah..nt." Placing one of his hands on th bulge that stood out of Joshs skin the other on his ellbow Tyler pyed heet not to give pressure, not yet. 

"When we're going home...can you please do me a favour and tell people that I was the one dragging you out of that plane? You know...I...I build a reputation, yeah? I mean, I'm kind of the lead guy in our band and..." "Are you....fucking...serious?" The drummer groaned loudly as he tried to raise his head but failed in his position. Taking a another deep breath Tyler located his knee over the stabeling point on his friends back. "Yeah. I mean it's not like I wouldn't be thankfull for what you did, but honestly, Josh, you let Jenna die, you own that to me." 

The moment the drummer wanted to shoot up and punch his friend right into the face, loose shoulder or not, was the one where he realised that Tyler just had worked him up to subside the pain with the adrenalin that pumped through his veins. The singer pushed him forward in one violent motion that added simultan pressure on three importan points. With a crack the bones jumped into place again and Josh would have screamed if there would have been any air left in his lungs. 

Cursing wildly the singer let go of him then suddenly, yanked back, and gasped. "Fuck. Shit. Are you alright?" Biting down on the cloath under his head the drummer slightly shook his head only to nod right after. He was still in pain but it was a different kind of, one that promised to get better, to go away with time. Shuddering on the cold hands that came back to his skin then, this time gently checking up on the position of his shoulder, he drifted away slowly, not without a "I hate you so much..." and a smirk on his lips.


	9. Holding on

"Of course our staff is at your service as long as you wish us to be...but I'm a professional...and I'm bound to tell you that I personally don't think we will find your clients." Tylers manager grimaced at the sentence he had heared way too often in the past few days. "I appreciate your honesty, still Mr. Urie and the families of my clients were pretty insistend about the search being onheld." "I understand." Nodding the older man on the other side of the table pressed a few key on the board before him and turned the screen so both could look at the map he had brought up. 

"The red circled area is the one where officials have searched. The stewardess where found here," he pointed at the screen with a pen, "Our people have searched the same area as well the one that is circled yellow. The problem in that particular part of the ocean is that some currents come together and it's neary impossible to say where they would have been carried by those." Leaning back and crossing his arms he pondered for a moment before he got on. "I can offer you to get my crew down to the area that is marked blue. It is pretty unlikely they were splashed down there but from time to time the currents change that way. There are two or three smaller islands." 

Glueing his eyes on the screen and making out the little green dots where the man had described Tylers manager nodded quietly.

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They learned a lot about the effect of dramatic events on the human body. As they had felt at least partly good after getting enough water and decent rest the whole weight of how overstrained they really were hit them the following day with full force. Tyer had hoped to be able to explore, maybe find food or a shelter, but they didn't made it further then to the other side of the beach, assessing that there were no way up the rocks to where more vegetation was. Down with them in the sand where one or the other trunk, but the woods was errodet by water and salt, not stable enough to be used to build. 

Leaning on each other, more stumbeling then walking they found a larger crack by time, if they cuddled together real thight it would have been enough to keep them safe from natures moods so far. Letting Josh sit down in it so he could get his badly sunburnt face out of the heat Tyler cowered before him and let handfulls of sand slip through his fingers before he raised his head and watched the rock wall. 

"I think I can make it up there." With a sound of dissaproval the drummer shifted slightly to take weight of his shoulder, that he still couldn't move properly. "This is no stage tower, Ty, it's a fucking stone wall." "There are wholes...and it's not like it would be slick." "You aren't even able to stand straight, dude." Frustrated the singer stood up again and walked to the wall, let his fingers experimently stroke the surface. "The problem, my friend, is that we will run out of water sooner or later if we do not happen to get a storm on a dayly basis. And I have to admit I'm not very hyped for haveing another one. Secondly, I don't know about you, but I'd really like to eat something before my stomache is going to kill me and unless you start to fish with your bare hands we might have to look out for some food."

Unfazed the drummer looked up at him, then down on the rock beside him where a bug happened to crawl out into the sun and drove his fist down on it with just the right amount to not smash it entirely. "Sorry, little bud!" Josh half smirked, half apologised to the dead animal and held it out to his friend. "Try that." Not sure if he should cry or laugh on that Tyler settled on doing both. "You'r gross!" He earned a shrug. "What? Bugs are indeed nutritious." "Oh, so you wanna tell me you have tried them before?" "Yap." "Where you bullied into it in Highschool or something?" Grudging taking the bug out of the drummers hand and turning it to all sides Tyler tried to find out if the older where joking. 

"Remember that time we we had to cancel the show in Singapore? While you went to get your neck punctured Mark and I strolled through the city and happened to find that restaurant. They had bugs and grasshoppers and all kind of strange things. It wasn't that bad, I guess we're just not used to." "Gosh, Mark was always up for that kind of stuff. Remember when he dragged us into that < sex – museum > in Amsterdam? Dude, I think I've never seen you sporting that type of red again." Both smiling on the memory but fading into seriousness fairly quickly they shared a small glance before they let their hands slip into each other.

"He was such a great guy...without him we wouldn't be were we are right now." Josh sighed and let his head fall back against the soothing cold stone. "If it wasn't for us he wouldn't be dead right now." his friend whispered back, so low that he could be barely heared. Not waiting for the drummer to tell him that he was wrong he straightened then and tossed the bug into his mouth with vigor, started to chew a little, gulped hard and then stuck his tongue out and whiped it with his fingers. "Jeez, that's so disgusting!" Seeing a movement out of the corner of his eyes Josh killed another one of the little black animals. "Want some more then?" 

 

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He understood that Ashley wanted to flee the tension in the house for some time, still Jesse was not fully convinced that driving around in Columbus openly was such a good idea. Until then the press had been relucant but Jesse was pretty sure that this was more the credit of the two bodyguards the label had sended to the Josephs house. Zack had dealt with the calls up to the point where he just ripped the phone off the wall. With sorrow Jesse watched Tylers brother getting more and more aggressiv by hour. 

Maybe that was why he had given in so easy on Ashleys wish, he longed to leave the toxic enviroment himself for a while. There was too much pain he could not heal and it started to affect him as well. They choose a starbucks and settled themselfs in the farest corner. Clenching her hands around the cup, warming her cold fingers on it Joshs sister looked so fragile to her friend. She had grown old in the matter of days, her eyes fallen in, her features pale. Observing how she absently stroked a small scar on one of her arms Jesse let his hand crawl over the desk and brushed it lightly.

"Where is that from?" Looking at him startled for a second Ashley seemed not to get what he was speaking off, but then looked down at where his hand lay and recognised. "Oh, that's from when Josh teached me how to use a skateboard the first time. Mum actually hated that he had one but he had saved up for it so she couldn't say no." A smile playing her lips Ashley remembered better days then. "We went to the skater park down by the school one day and I felt very adult, you know, being barely thirteen, hangig with my older brother and his cool friends. I wanted to impress him, and of course I fell so badly I ripped my arm open. We ended up causing a major drama as there was a lot of blood even if the cut itself wasn't that deep, and mum had to pick us up as I had a panic attack." 

Closing her eyes for a second she got on. "He still had apologised for that every time he saw the scar. Joshua was always very protective and at the same time he was the one who encouraged me to go to my limits, to leave my comfort zone." Knowing his face to well to not take on on the uneasy look at it she tilted her head as a question, and Jesse understood. It had always been their way to communicate. "I just...it somehow gets to me how easy everybody is slipping into the past tense when talking about them. Maybe I just got another concept of life. Joshs' soul and mine are connected, and even if he died that could not cut that bond." Covering his hand on her arm with her own Ashley smiled sadly at him then. "You're such a special person Jesse Cale. I hope there'll come a time you'll realise that." 

Taking a look out the window the artist frowned when he saw a car with two men in it, both stuffed with big cameras. "Currently I wish you're brother and his friend would've been a litlte less special." He nodded towards the paparazzi and leaned back, so they couldn't get a good view on them. Tensing up Ashley cursed, she was not ready to face these bastards, she had never been. Bracing themselfs inwardly to be torpedoed with questions they wanted to get up and leave when one of the barristas suddenly appeared beside their desk and smiled politly at them. 

"Hey...I know this might sound strange...but I figured you'd maybe like to use our employee entrance in the back?" she said hushed, only for them to hear and gestured vague in the right direction before she just dissapeared to her spot behind the bar again. Puzzled Jesse lifted the napkin she had placed beside his hand and found a key. Ashley raised an eyebrow at that, but followed him without question as he led her to the back, where the toilets were located but also a door at the end of the hallway led to the outside. Turning and mouthing a silent < Thank you! > Jesses heart nearly broke when he saw a tear running down the barristas face as she gestured a sign with her fingers. It was a crossed V. It was the sign of the clique.

 

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Boarding a plane and flying home to the states had been a hard task for the crew members that had already been in europe when their friends flight had been crashed. None of them had made it through the endless past hours unshaken, they all were tired, drained from the grieve, bewildered of the anxiety that had lignered around them until they were on stable ground again. The whole flight had been silent, like all of them had been the past days. Brad gripped his lugguage thighter as they reached the waiting hall, watching how there sworn in group splitted slowly.

Whoever had relatives waiting fell into their arms and cried, cried on the fact of being alive, of not having been the one who where hit by tragedy. The few that had noone waiting for them experienced a different kind of miracle, one that was so overwhelming and kind that it would never be forgotten again. Some of the fans had gathered at the airport, had brought candles and flowers with them. They too didn't talk, didn't speak, made no condolences, no sorrys, gave no questions. They just walked up to the one's of the bands crew who stood there lost, alone and hugged them, letting them know that the most important part of the bands message was going to live on, no matter what. 

Setting his bag on the floor and taking out his camera Brad did what he could do best then: He captured the emotions so they could be remembered for all times.

 

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"Ok, so I trade a green one with a flavour of dog poo against the black one with the foul smell." "There you go, dude!" Exchanging the insects the both men sat rather comfortably for the situation in their crack and listened to the waves' constant sound and the crack of the animals armature between their teeth. The nauseation had been overcome long ago, when they found out that a lot of bugs and other insects lived in the rocks and provided constant stream of carbs. 

Tyler had gathered the few cloathes that the water had washed to the beach with them and had stuffed it under his friends hurted shoulder, one of the many small affections he had been able to come up with during the day. Sorting out some of the bugs he knew where not that bad he held them out to the drummer who did not take them but raised an eyebrow at the action. "Are we on a date or something?" "Nope, just trying to cheer you up." "And there I was, thinking you were at least a little romantic minded." "I can braid your hair if that makes you feel any better." Bursting into laughter Josh whinced as he doubled over. Although he was yet used to the pain he felt when he moved too strong he couldn't shut it out completly. 

After a while he calmed down and realised that Tyler had gone silent beside him, chewed thoughtfull on something that couldn't be good enough to be tasted on his tongue for so long. "I can literally see your brain working. What's up?" Shoving the younger playfully Josh hoped deep inside that they didn't flip to the topic of death so easy again, it had been nice to forget of all that shit for a while. Still he didn't wanted the singer to keep dark thoughts inside as he knew how much he always struggled if not able to express them. 

"Have you ever thought about it?" "I thought about a lot of things, maybe you could specify what the heck exactly you mean?" He felt the shift and the sudden distance more then he really recognised it and it left Josh confused for a second, until his friends somehow uneasy pressed out words cleared up what was going on in his head. "Have you ever thought about...us...I mean, like...in a romantically way?" Sensing how sensitiv this was the drummer tried to hold on to humour. "Well, as you know, most of that creepy fanfics are written by me so..." 

Tyler sighed and closed the gap between them again in a sudden by letting his head roll onto the olders good shoulder, an act of comfort that had become a habbit over the past years. "Can you just be serious for once, silly?" Carefully sorting his words Josh hesitated first but finaly lifted his arm and let his friend fit in to his side as they had done hundrets of times before, whenever Tyler got cold or the world too overwhelming on himself. "Hm...you want the truth or the < nah, no-homo-version >?" There wasn't more then a snort as an answer as the question itself was pretty unnecessary.

With a calmnes he wouldn't have expected the drummer pushed himself to open up then. "Well...there has been a time I thought about that, yeah. But I'm glad it didn't worked out that way. I think we wouldn't have gotten where we were if we'd really fell for each other." The palm that was placed above his heart made it easier to breath then, showed him that there was no backing off on him just because he'd struggled with his feelings for some time. "It's pretty much the same for me." Enjoying the intimacy of the moment without worrying about going too far they both sighed unisono then. "I DO love you Josh, I really do. Just more in the..." "...soulmate, way? Yep, I get you on that, bro." 

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"They have no fucking right to do this!" Furiously gestureing and nearly stomping on to the ground with his feet Zack gave more an expression of a kid then a full grown man right then. For a second Chris was struck with the picture of his son, being not even five, standing at the exact position he was now, with the same expression on his face. Only, back then his anger had been rosen by the ban to get another ice cream. These days their topics weren't so easy anymore. 

"It's the common procedure, Zack. It's unlikely that there are any more survivors found and the plane itself wouldn't be detected by them like this. They will use satelitte location for that." "But they can't just give up on them! They can't...." Throwing his hands in the air helplessly Tylers brother got just more angry. Police had contacted them, told them that the officials had decided to end the rescue mission. From now on all that would be searched for was the wrack itself. 

Zack knew that it was kind of hypocritical to blame them as he had been the one to stick to the < they are dead > version in first place...but still, everyone else slowly giving up on hope tore his heart appart. Over the past days he had build walls around him, high enough to not even let his wife or his family through, and they threatened to tumble now. With all the might he had he held on to the anger, he couldn't break, not now, not as his family needed him the most. 

Chris said nothing. He just stood there and watched another one of his loved ones fall apart. He could remember well, too well all the times he and Kelly had been sorrowed about their two older boys, as they had always been the more problematic one's of the siblings. One conclusion they had come to terms with somewhere along the puberty of their sons had been that, whatever happened to them, they always had at least each other. Zack and Tyler had kept an eye on each other, no matter where they had been or what they were doing. None of them ever got in servere trouble, just because the other was always there to set things straight. 

From the moment Zack had came home after they all learned that Tyler was supposed to be dead Chris had known that sooner or later his boy would brake. He had let him take the lead on everything, because he sensed how important it had been to Zack, how it gave him the feeling of controll. Now, seeing the traces of the same chaos that raged inside his own mind on his sons face, Chris stepped up to the tasks that were his from the beginning. Wordlessy stepping closer he pulled Zack into his arms and didn't let go, even if he felt the boy resisting. It took a second, two, then the spell was broken and a sob escaped the young mans lips. Crying into his fthers arms had been something Zack had never done before. It had always been Tyler holding him when his world threatened to brake appart.


	10. Saying goodby

Being caught in another, thankfull dreamless blackout Josh felt the movement against his inner thight, but didn't pick up on it first. Only when the sliding pressure slipped a little higher into his crotch he stirred, opened his eyes an braced himself for a < What the fuck do you think you're doing? > when he realised that it was not Tylers hand pushing further up slowly. With his eyes widening and his breath hitching in his throat he managed to get his friends name out but quickly realised the singer were not beside him. Slowly, very slowly turning his head, not leaving the being that caused the assault out of his eyes he saw the other standing a few feet away, digging a whole into the sand for whatever reason. 

"Tyler." the drummer repeated, louder but still not too loud, adding a hissed, "SNAKE!" Curiously hobbling closer the younger stopped in his track when he took in the whole dimension of the situation. Josh sat where he had left him in the crack and between his legs a fairly decent snake where getting settled for what seemed to be her evening sleep. "Ok...whatever you do, don't freak out, dude!" Tyler warned as he started to look around for a stick or something, well knowing that his friend had an native fear of that animals. "Oh....I won't freak out. Nope....I'm totally chilled....I'm...." the older tried to convince himself whispering as the snake lazy raised her head and crawled up his belly. 

"GET THAT THING OFF OF ME!" Josh nearly screamed then, repenting his decission as the animal yanked back a bit, opened her mouth and spit angrily at him. The next seconds became a blurr for him. Exact the moment he thought the snake would lunch forward and bite him a stone came from the side and hit the animal directly in the head, so it lost balance and fell to his side. Not the split of a secon later Tyler jumped over him and started to beat down at her with a stick, screaming at the top of his lungs, driving the wood down on the snake's head again and again until he was sure it didn't move anymore. 

Throwing the stick aside, immideatly sinking down and connecting them he cradled Josh on his chest and started to stroke his back. "Breath...it's alright...you're ok..." Nervously glancing over his friends shoulder making sure he had really won the fight the drummer worked hard to get his breath under controll and stopp his heart from beating at high speed. His mouth was dry and his vision spinned and it all just got too much, too much to bear after all that circumstances. Groaning he pushed his friend back and struggled to get up himself. Not making the best impression he managed it with the help of his good arm stabled on the wall and he started to head towards the water. 

"Josh!" his friend called after him, startled, not getting what was going on, until he realised that the drummer did not plan to answer. Never again. "Joshua!" Hurrying to his feet it was easy for him to catch up, he had at least have a little bit more training in the last few hours, but he resiled to grab the others arm to hold him back. "Hey..." "Shut up." "Josh, I..." When he turned and drilled his gaze into the youngers eyes Tylers heart sank. He knew that expression, he knew that certain shadow in the drummers eyes. He had used to feel it when he where younger. 

"Shut. The. Fuck. up. I'm done." Heading on Josh hoped that drowning wouldn't be as bad as people told...he was barely concious anyway, so it shouldn't have taken long for him to go black. In the back of his mind he knew that this was a dumb idea, Tyler would go after him at least the second he passed out and he brought both of them in danger this way. Still the desire to die outweighted his spirit to live then. 

 

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Jesse had his own experiences with religion and felt a bit displaced as he sat down on a chair between Ashley and Jay, not sure of what to expect out of this. He knew the pater that had come to the house was well familiar with the Josephs as all of them were active members of his church. Joshs family also were religous, but they all were in a good kind of way, not fundamental. He didn't really know where Tyler stood in all the question of believes, but with Josh he had long talkes about the spirit behind life and the life after. Knowing that the drummer would have apreciated that religion gave his family something to hold on to Jesse just let the situation sink in on him then, inhaled, closed his eyes and folded his hands as everyone else in the room had already did. 

There were no preaching, no words spoken. There were only hands, reaching out to his, touching them, interlacing their fingers with him. Jesse felt the both siblings beside him trembling with the force of the emotions that where raised by all the praying people in the room connected through their hands, focused on the same in their minds. It was the most beautiful kind of worship for a god he had ever seen and suddenly he was glad to be a part of it. In the end, it didn't matter if there was a god or not. In the end all that mattered where that they all where connected by their souls, and their mental energy would be the bonfire that guided the lost one's home.

 

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It was not Tyler who stopped him or the sudden epiphamy that a life he had fought to keep so hard was worth savouring. Stopping in his ways, the water already splashing around his knees, Josh squinted his eyes as he tried to find out if his oversnapping brain was playing tricks on him, but the reflection of the sun on something moving slightly above the water stayed. His friend had followed him carefully, but had stopped at the line of water. 

Tyler was close to freak out himself. Of course he wanted go right after the other if he really decided to throw himself in the water like this, but the trauma that was cemented in his brain stopped him from doing so. Every time his bare feet stepped deeper into the water he had to drew back, get out of it because his heart reaced too fast and his breath got short. The singer recognised that this might get another big problem if they'd survived. Josh sudden stop was welcomed, although he did not know what had caused it until he followed the line of sight the drummer suddenly fixed on and found the same as him. 

There, far away from the island they had landed on, a helicopter seemed to move above water. Suddenly forgetting about his fears Tyler launched foreward then until he stood beside his friend and threw his arms in the air. Started to scream at the far away object, telling them that they were there, alive, just needed to be saved. The drummer kept silent beside him, observed the scene for some minutes, then layed his arm on the young ones' and pressed them down. 

"They are searching for us, J! We need to tell them...." "They are too far away. They can't hear you and I doubt they are searching for survivers." Giving the far away hope another glance Tyler understood his friend were right. It had been two, or three days, he couldn't keep track with it anymore. By now no one would expect them to be still alive. "But...we need to...they..." the crack in his voice was prominent, and he starred down on his hands, helpless, out of ideas. It was kind of ironic how quickly their roles seemed to change.

Some minutes before it had been Josh loosing his will, giving in to the terror of his mind. Right now it was the older who led him back to their crack and sat him down, keeping a well groomed distance to the dead snake still lying there. 

Tyler crossed his legs and let his head sink into his hands. He were so sick of it, of that all. He just wanted it to go away. The constant living on the edge, the constant shocks and challenges...he were not made for that. The singer had never considered himself to be a hero and he for sure wasn't. The only thing why he had been able to do everything he'd done up to this point had been a primary instinct that forced him too. Silently watching his friend returning to the waterline, looking at the sky again, he asked himself if he really wanted to be safed and came to the conclussion that he did not. All Tyler wanted was for Josh to get home safe and sound...he himself knew that he would end his life anyway when the realisation of Jennas death would hit him, the guilt of being the cause for all his friends and close ones to be on that plane.

He had been merely strong enough to get trough his depression. He was for sure not strong enough to withstand another psychological drama. Josh stayed away from him for some time, as if the drummer would have needed the distance. The way they had grown close through this was above every connection one of them had ever experienced and maybe it started to frighten him. The older loved Tyler like a brother, like a part of his soul, and it was hard to not be able to help him through the terrors of his mind, but Josh had a hard time to get through his own. 

They stayed seperated like this for hours. Tyler knew that the other had overcame his shock of being neary attacked by the snake and there was no current danger of him trying to drown himself. Yet he felt that a part of his friend died while he stood there and looked out at the ocean, were help seemed so near and yet so far. 

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

"....don't care the fuck about how much that costs!" Frustraded leaning his head on the wall Tylers manager slowly began to ask himself for how long he could stay sane. First of all he knew...had known Tyler and his bandmate after all and spend some time with him. Although it had been a stricktly professional friendship he had come to feel a deep respect of his client. Tyler were smart where he needed to be but could be silly when it was necessary, qualitys he seldom found in an artist that time, plus the young man really had a message, and it was a good one. 

In the longterm the variation of emotions that were thrown at him over the past days had been what gave his head a ache and his mind some questions of human behaviour. Right now he tried to file if Brendon Urie's massive ussage of curses though the last ten minutes could really be justified with his friendship with the missed. "Mr. Urie, I clearly understand your point and as I said...as there is still a possibility they might be found I will personally assure you that it goes on. But...I just want you to understand that maybe what we will find might not be the outcome of what you expect." "Oh, fuck you! I don't care what the outcome is as long as there is one!" 

Taking another deep breath the older man pushed himself off the wall. The day had been long and he was too tired to despute right now. Pinching the back of his nose with two fingers he half growled, half sighed: "Son, I understand you are really pissed right now because you are afraid. But sooner or later you need to face the possibility that your friends were dead the minute that plane hit the ground." 

 

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With particular slow motions Jordan packed up the few clothes friends had gathered for him a few days before. He wasn't very consent on his parents decission to head to their house again. Not that he didn't liked their home...but leaving the Josephs' house felt like giving in, like accepting something he didn't even wanted to think about. Back there, were still some of his brothers belongings where set in the room he used to live in, the memorys would only become more vivid Jordan guessed. 

He was so lost in his trail of thoughts that he only recognised his mother stepping behind him when Laura placed her hands on his shoulders and gave them a small squeeze. "We're ready. Ashley wants to know if you're driving with her and Jesse or us." "To be true, I don't wanna go at all." Slipping her arms around his shoulders sighing his mother pressed her face into his back. "Jordan, I know it is hard to accept and it will take me my whole life to come to terms with this...still...life is not going to stand still for us. We can't let everything fall appart just because our hearts are hurt so deeply. You can't throw away your life because he lost his." 

It was a sudden thought, not one he had pondered, maybe deep in the back of his mind, but not aware of it. "I shouldn't be alive anymore. I was supposed to be there mum. I would have sat beside him. Maybe I could have saved..." Turning the young man around and resting their foreheads together Laura brought her hands up to his cheeks and brushed the tears away before they could even travel down his face. "Don't, J. Don't make yourself responsible for something you had no power over. As much as I am questioning why god took Joshua from me...I know there's a cause why he spent you. You were kept alive because you are important!" 

Scoffing Jordan wriggled out of her embrace and turned back to stuff his cloathes in the bag. "He was important too, mum...way more then I'll ever be." The smallness in her voice, the devotion it showed branded itself into his soul. "Maybe that's why god wanted him up there. There are too less angles in heaven these days." 

 

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"....afternoon officials announced that the search-and -rescue mission has now official ended. There are no further survivors being expected, which means that alongside with the crew of 19 and 351 passengers the famous american rock-duo -- twentyonepilots -- is officially declared as dead. Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun, who were on the way to a tour through europe, has been known for their strong connection to their fans, which recently is starting to show as after the official announcment fans all over the world are gathering to give a silent tribute to their idols. In the cities of Paris, Berlin, Vienna, Rome and nearly every other capital in europe, as well as in New York, LA and a great amount of other cities througout northamerica are meetings held, where fans meet each other to moan in silence. As the singers brother has asked the clique as these, mostly young, people are called has stay silent on social media so far." 

Shutting the cars radio off Bill turned his head to see his wife and second son head towards him. He knew that taking them home wouldn't feel safe or good this time. He knew taking them home meant to say goodby to Joshua.


	11. Living or dying

That he got the fire going was adding a new top to Tylers list of miracles. While his friend had been asleep, before the snake attacked, he had gathered all wood and seaweed he could find and move and layed it out to dry in the sun. Also he had found a stone with sharp edges and sharpened some stick with it. While he had been waiting for the other to wake up he had cut one of their vests in a half and carefully placed it in a whole in the sand to gather dew over night. All of this ideas had been planted in his mind through the books he had read as a teenager – but he hadn't expected them to actually work out. 

Still he couldn't give a yell of victory or feel good about it, as his constant spinning of the sharpened stick on another wood was sucessfull. Still the happenings of the afternoon hung over their heads like a dark cloud. Josh had not returned from the waterline yet. He still sat there and watched the ocean and the singer hadn't had the courage to disturb him. Instead he sliced the dead snake open with his improved stone knife and speared a part of it on a stick, trying hard not to think about what he was doing and not throwing up on the picture of the raw meat he had cut out of the animal. 

Not knowing much about nature at all he just had assumed that the snake hadn't been poisonous because she didn't looked like it, her colour was grey and her eyes rounded. Tyler waited until the meat started to darken and smell like something that could be consumed, picked himself up then and strolled over to the drummer, settling beside him and holding out the stick. "Here. Not exactly Taco Bell, but better as bugs I guess." Giving the option he was offered a suspicious side glance Josh violently shook his head. "I'm not going to eat a snake!" "Well, that's your problem then." the younger shrugged and bit into the meat, surprised that it tasted rather good. 

Mouth full he got on: "But your missing out big time, I was wrong, this is better then any greedy fast food!" Giving him an annoyed glance, but finally feeling his mind loosing the battle against hunger Josh snatched the stick, closed his eyes and tried himself. "Not that bad, hugh? You can call me Robinson Joseph from now on." It should have drawn a smile but it didn't and Tyler knew that it would stay that way. They were far too deep in to laugh at black humor anymore. Looking at the dark waves rolling onto the sand the singer let his mind go blank. 

That was until Josh gave the meal back to him and leaned back on his hand, watching the sky. His voice was calm, gentle even, still it couldn't mask the sadness in his words. "Ty...how often did you nearly suceed in killing yourself if it hadn't been for your mum?" It hit him to unprepared to come up with a deflection, so the younger told the truth. "Three. One time pills, the second a noose and the third...let's put it that way, there's a cause why my parents are that much against the NRA." Nodding approvingly on his honesty the drummer didn't make attempts to get up soon. "Will you try it again if they come back and find us?" 

"Josh...we should let that topic go right now, ok?" Setting the stick down between them and giving the still burning fire a look Tyler froze at the answer. "You're not planning to try, you attempt to suceed, don't you'?" Again, lying didn't seem to be an option, not after they were so close, now even more then ever. "What do you wanna hear from me, Joshua? My life was over when Jenna died. Why should I want to go on?" "'Why are you going on now?" Taking the olders hand and squeezing it lightly the singer sighed. "I can't let you alone in this. But when we're home...there will be your parents, you friends...they will be there for you." "As much as yours will be." "That's not the same." 

Josh didn't pry him to get on, he just waited. "See...Jenna was the love of my life...more, she was my life. I planned a family with her. The heck, I could see my children in her eyes, Josh! I could see us getting old together and I wanted to die with her by my side. She is dead already...so there's nothing left holding me back." Returning the squeze the older breathed more then he asked: "Not even me?" The darkness around them seemed to get even more intense with Tylers answer. "No, Joshua, not even you." 

 

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Kissing his wife and baby goodby Chris slipped through the front door, jogged down the yard and plunged himself with a grund on the passangers seat of Nicks beat down Jeep. The two men gave each other not more then a nod before Nick started the car and drove down the street. Although both of them hadn't been a part of the band for way too long to claim affiliation they had never lost connection on Tyler or Josh, what was big credit on the famous duos part. Whenever they were around Ohio they used to stick around with their old friends.

When the both of them had learned that Tyler and Josh were declared dead there had been a strange first impulse. They knew the connection the singer have had to his fans first hand and they had watched it grow some more with his best friend on his side. Of course, their first thought had been on the families, but as they learned they gathered together and helped each other through. Lost of a purpose they got aware of the meetings of fans everywhere...and it had went on itself from then. 

The owner of the largest venue was not only ok with it, he was in tears when he opened the doors and let the people in, into the silent room, with only a small Keyboard and some drums placed in the middle. And the fans came, with instruments, candles, cards, art, all the expressions of their connection they had. When Nick and Chris reached the venue, they were waiting. When they took place behind their instruments, they all closed there eyes. 

Shakingly Nick lay his hand on the keys and breathed in. The melody raised, flowed, took over the room. Hundrets of voices lifted her up, carried her from one to the other, until all of them were singing together. Chris let his head fall back and opened his soul as the words resonated in him. "I know, where you stand...silent, in the trees..." 

 

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Carefully smooothing the page of the photo album Kelly pulled the blanket closer around her body and sighed. Her fingers lingered on one of the pictures, on the face of her son for moment before she got on. It had been the times when all of them had been still happy...the times before Tylers depression had been diagnosed. They sat on a bed, all three of them, Jay hadn't been born then. 

Zack and Maddy snuggled into the sides of their older brother, who had his arms protectivly around the youngers, and read them a book, lying on his knees. Even if she had thought that all her tears were already spent another one slipped down her cheeks. They had fought so hard, so hard to keep him alive when the dark times came, when Tyler couldn't find god or love or hope anymore. 

Closing her eyes she remembered the first time...the day she came home from work and her son lay on the bathrooms floor, motionless, unoncious, the empty bottle of pills beside him. She had hit him then, the only time she ever did, until he woke up a little, dragged him to the toilett, stuck her fingers down his throat. Tyler had hated her for it. For months he didn't talk a word to her. There relationship had healed, slowly, but his mind hadn't. The house had been silent in those days, everyone tripping on their toes, not wanting to disturb the sensible balance the found for some time. 

After a year, everyone had thought it was over, Tyler was better, but of course her motherly instinct had told her otherwise. Maybe that had been why she followed him into the forrest, on instinct, not really knowing why until she found him tieing a noose to a tree. They had talked this time. She had been able to make him sit down and talk to her. He had been a mess of tears and rage and fear and so many other things when she finally led him home, her arm around his shoulders. 

Kelly remembered the night long discussions with her husband. She never had reproached Chris for bringing a mental hospital up, but she declined the idea as hard as she could. Knowing her child, feeling his internal struggle she was sure that he'd never get to be himself again if they'd bring him into a facility. So she quit her job, stayed with him, teached and him at home. It had been an intensive time, as Tyler had not only been hard to take sometimes, he had also shown his brilliant mind, had longed to learn, soaked up everything. 

Proud of his first extern exam, that he passed with nothing then A's, she have had a hope that it was over then. Kelly had spent a lot of her strength then, had become too thin, too pale, smiled far too less. That had been why her husband had ordered her out of the room when they found out, had yelled at her the only time throughout all their marriage to "fucking leave, Kelly, NOW!". Crying violently she had slit down the wall in the hallway, had hear him arguing with their son, had waited for the bang of the weapon Tyler had from god-knew-where to sound. She had never forgotten the picture of him sitting on his childhood bed, his eyes red and puffy from crying, his hands shaking, the barrel pressed to his chin. 

It had gone on for hours, until both of their voices had been hoarse, until she heared Chris say: "Then do it! If you really want to die, Tyler, do it, right here, right now, with me watching and your mother out there listening!". The silence had been comforting this time. It had calmed her down, so she had been able to breath again when her husband left her sons room with the gun in his hand, looking down on her with his eyes full pain and fear. Kelly had rushed into the room then and Tyler crawled into her arms immideatly, both of them shaking and crying through out all the night. 

A lot of people had told her to be upset when he quit school and began to sing and scream in the basement. Nearly every relative told her she was making a mistake letting him believe he could make it, could achieve something with his weired music, his dark lyrics. But Kelly had believed in her son, like she had from the very first moment she had held him in his arms, and she saw the healing, the way his thoughts left his mind and soul when he translated them into melodys. 

She had welcomed the friendship with Joshua with open arms, had shushed everyone who made fun of they boys, because they were a little too close. In Laura she had found a companion. Her fights with Joshua had been other ones, still she had also been used to a constant battle. They both had been beyond happy as they recognised how good their kids were for each other, how much they had in common. Together they had stood hours in the cold, sold tickets to random strangers when their first shows came up. No matter how crazy the boys went when they got on stage, if the dressed up like idiots or danced like they were out of their minds, Laura and her cheered, encouraged them. 

When Tyler decided to moove out she had coaxed him to stay close, to not go to another city, not even leave the district. It was not that she not trusted him – by that time he had started therapy on his own will and was constantly taking his meds – she just wanted him close as she couldn't let go so easy after all those years. Jenna entered the picture then, and Kelly welcomed her with open arms, because she knew that girl was gods gift from heaven by the way she made her sons eyes sparkle.

Tyler had never thanked her for all she did, not up to the day him and Josh sold out Madison Square Garden twice. After the second show he came down from stage, snatched her hand, pulled her away from everyone, out into the night, into the parking lot, in the shadows where noone could find them. 

And then he talked. He talked about all that happened, about how much he had hated her in those minutes for holding him back, for not letting him go. They both had been in tears by the time he ended with an honest apology, pulled her in his arms and thanked her over and over for not giving up on him, whatever he had did to her and the family. 

Realising she was still starring down at the same picture Kelly snuggled even more into the blanket and whiped her eyes, but no matter how much she tried, she couldn't get any warmer inside. 

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

The warmth of the fire had allured them somewhen. Josh starred into the dancing flames motionless, hollow inside while he absently stroked his best friends arm. Tyler had fallen asleep half on him and the drummer had taken his time to observe the younger. Beside the still visible injuries in his face, that would leave at least one nasty scar, he could see the shadow lingering on Tylers features. Death had already a grip on him, and out of personal experience Josh knew how hard it was to escape that embrace. 

Still he couldn't accept the decission the other had made. They were consent on that, if the helicopter really had been searching for them, they would come back and find them. Together they had assembled all sizeable rocks they could find and arranged them to a SOS that could be seen from a distance. Still Josh pondered if it wasn't for a better if they weren't found. Coming home would mean loosing his friend and the knowledge of that killed him fro the second he understood. 

There where only one other way, and Josh knew it would hurt both of them just as much. Tyler trusted him, more then any other person in his life, even more then he had trusted his wife. Slowly running his fingers over the singers face, his eyes, his nose, his lips, the older decided that he would brake that trust. It may have been kind of selfish, of disgraceful, of cunning and the consequences would be not pretty for sure. Still Josh hoped that Tyler would forgive him sooner or later and that they would find to each other again. 

Staying awake, as he didn't wanted the dark to take any prisoners more then it already had, Josh saved this last hours of closeness, of mutual trust, of special bond they shared. When they would be hopefully found in the morning, or during the following they, he would betray Tyler. He would tell everybody. He would make sure that the other got no chance to kill himself.


	12. saved, not save

Doing the last check ups on the helicopters system the pilots raised his eyebrow in surprise when his paramedic for the day hopped in. "Jason? Aren't you supposed to be on honeymoon?" "Yap, but all the others are already over their allowed work time and Jerry pays good on this one." the other male grimaced. "Pfffft...too good for a game without winners if you ask me." "Wouldn't be the first time we find someone the officials don't." Arranging their headsets while the helicopters rotors began to turn they both leaned back in their seats.

"Maybe, but have you looked those guys up?" "Nope." "I tell you, they're the perfect celebrities...those boys have probably never seen nature outside of their moms well groomed gardens. Even IF they would have escaped the plane they'll be probably dead by now." Feeling the sensation on being in the air again tingling in his guts Jason smiled. "You know what? I'm in good mood today! Let's bet!" "Alright, bring it on!" "If we'll find them you'll have to give me your part on the money." "And if I win?" "I'll give you the blowjob of your life." 

 

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Shutting the cars trunk with a bang Jesse flinched on the loud noise that seemed so prominent after the last days of silence. Folding his hands he leaned on the car then and watched Ashley kissing her family good by. He had already placed his farewells and went to pack up the car, so they could have some moments on their own. It was their very personal pain that they shared, and it was visible in the way all of them hugged each other, Ashley in the middle. They had not only lost a person, a brother, a son...they had lost a part of themselfs Jesse understood. 

He gave a genuine wave to the ones left behind when Ashley came up to the car and got inside without looking back. Sliding into the backseat beside her Jesse signalised the driver to go, before he turned and openly observed her, but not reached out as he felt she didn't wanted to be touched then. "Are you sure you wanna go back yet? Everybody would perfectly understand if you wanna stay a little bit longer!" Ashley didn't turn her head, she just sighed and watched the streets of her childhood flying by. 

"I need to...take care of things. I need to pack up what he left." "Do you wanna sell his appartment so soon?" "It's not like any of us could afford it." "Joshua surly made enough for years." Furrowing her front the drummers sister changed her position and leaned back into the seat. "The lawyer says it will take month to clarify what exactly will happen to their heritage. It has to be treaten sensible as there will be a lot of people trying to make money out of this by buying any content they can get." 

Nodding sadly the artist could imagine that a lot of what was to follow the death of his friend would be dirty games. Still he didn't wanted his family to do something over rushed. Taking her hand and not letting go even if she tried to drew it back Jesse stated: "You will not sell your brothers home to a stranger." Smiling tired Ashley shook her head. "It's not like I have a choice." "Oh you have!" he gave back, realising how worn out she already was. "You will sell it to me." 

 

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Drinking water and eating the rest of the snake Tyler gave off the impression to be perfectly fine with staying alive and slowly his friend began to ask himself what was the point on it. They both knew what was going on and had never hid themselfs in front of the other, still the singer started with it then. It was sad in it's own kind of way, mostly because it made it easier for Josh to determine his decission. He felt like Tyler was planning to brake a promise, one they never had spoken out, but that always had existed between them: To stay alive. 

They didn't look at each other much, nor did they talk. When Tyler woke up in the morning Josh had let him escape the closeness of the night, and he realised that it maybe had been the last time they shared it. For now, all they did was waiting. The drummer had taken a spot down by the water, on one of the bigger rocks a few feet in. Tyler sat crosslegged inside the * O * they had formed out of stones and let sand run through his fingers over and over again. Closing his eyes and listening to the surroundings he took hin nature's symphony, that he never had heared so clearly. The waves gave a constant rythm, splashing onto the beach, while the wind carried the birds cry. It was beautiful how all of that fit together and Tyler whished just to fall asleep to it and never wake up again. 

A sudden disorder in the melody disturbed his balance, he furrowed his front and tried to get a hold of it. It was a low hum, a constant one, that grew louder and louder. It didn't fit, it wasn't organic – mechanically almost. Slowly it dawned to the singers mind and as he realised what he heared his mind switched to full gear and grabbed his body to hurry along. "Josh! Listen! They're coming!" Turning so quickly that he nearly fell into the water the drummer got up too, shielding his eyes against the sun, searching the horizon. Tyler stayed close to their sign, listened intently and could finally make out from where the noise was coming. 

Like a metal eagle the helicopter appeared above their heads, from the landside sliding over them, and maybe, just maybe they should have been frantically waving, laughing, screaming along. Instead of it the two friends stood in silence and watched each other with sadness in their hearts, as the retrieving help finally arrived.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

"...and then she pulled out handcuffs...I mean, fucking HANDCUFFS! My sister has given them to her as a joke at her bachelors party and Katie just decided to use them! I've really married the right girl!" Grinning on his coworkers excitment the pilot nodded to the ground. "Well you better ask your girl for some advice on blowing then, because this is the last island around." "Nah, I believe in miracles." "Jason, we were through that years ago! There is no thing like a miracle!" "Ok, maybe you're right. But I'm not going to redeem that bet anyway so...." "HOLY SHIT!" Blinking slightly upset on the rude interrupt the paramedic shot the other a questioning glance. "What?" "I think I own you a lot of money....just take a look down there..." 

 

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Zack hadn't the energy to take the call as his phone started to vibrate, so he just stayed put with his face down on the floor, the iphone slightly moving beside him in his eyeline. He didn't even stare at it in particular, he starred into nothing and imagined what it must feel to be dead. He would have never admitted to anyone, not even his wife, but he missed Tyler like crazy, which was odd, as he wasn't even gone for so long now. They had been appart much longer terms and still Zack had never felt such a strong urge to follow the older where ever he was. 

When the phone started to dance before his eyes a second time, he slowly let his fingers crawl along the carpet and turned it a little so he could read the display. It was his brothers manager calling. Not taking his fingers off it, but lying it down again Zack waited till it stilled, then let go of iphone, slipping into his numbness again. It was only the third call that seemed urgent enough to make him react. Still he felt like he'd been trapped into drift sand, even his hearing was delayed so he couldn't really process what the man on the other line told him breathless. 

For a while Zack just listened, until slowly single words formed a meaning, but still he didn't respond. "Mr. Joseph? Are you still on? Have you understood what I just told you?" Breathing out Zack answered. "No. Repeat." "We've found them! I have no idea how they made it, but, they're alive! We found Tyler and Josh." And the world came to an halt. 

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

5 minutes and 42 seconds that changed everything. Jesse was about to shut his phone off as the stweardess suggested it as a part of the security checkings. He just checked that last message that popped up suddenly, and that made him widen his eyes and instantly hitting the call button. The connection was bad so he didn't got one right away and when he finally did the stweardess appeared and asked him kindly but determined to turn shut his phone down as take off were imminent. 

Jesse was too confused and wound up and didn't even wanted really argue,but he just got way above his normal average volume what was appearently enough to drive her back. Inhaling sharply she hit her headset and told the pilot a code, that was obviously reserved for stopping the take off, as the plane slowed down. 

 

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4 minutes and 42 seconds that changed everything. Brendon was stressed, late to an interview, still drunk from the night before and cursed into the phone as a greeting as he was hit up with the news. He stopped dead in his tracks and quickly stabled himself on the wall beside him as his vision gave out for a moment, causing his security to panic as everyone thought he'd already get a heartattack. But instead of fainting he tossed his phone aside, screamed in joy and literally jumped his bodyguard, just because he needed to kiss anyone right then.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

3 minutes and 42 seconds that changed everyting. Jordan was convinced he was going insane. He couldn't believe it, just couldn't get that it should be true. He let the phone fall out of his hand and starred at the sorrowed face of his mother on this action, who watched him from across the kitchen counter where she had been preparing the meal. Instantly whiping her hands and hurrying around the furniture she closed up on him and layed her hands on his shoulders. "J....what's wrong?" her voice trembled in fear of what was she thought was inventible to come. "They...they've found them." 

Closing her eyes Laura sighed and felt a weight lifting her soul. "So at least we can burry him. I thank the lord so much!" "No mum...they FOUND them...they are alive." 

 

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2 minutes and 42 seconds that changed everything. It was the exact time Kelly needed to come to herself again after everything had went black. She started to cry, thought it had been a dream and she'd just wake up to the fact her mind had played a cruel trick on her. But instead of it she looked into her husbands eyes and found an expression in it that she could only describe as faith. "Is it true then?" she asked in a shaky voice, received his lips as an answer. The last time Chris had kissed her that way had been when she had told him that she was pregnant with their first child. 

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

1 minute and 42 seconds that changed everything. It was what it took to get the hashtag trending, even if later no one could say which had been the first tweet anymore, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was the collective outcry of the clique. #theyarealive and #topsurvived would even make it into the news rather quick.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

42 seconds that changed everything. Only such a short amount of time to break years of mutual trust, of closeness, of being more to each other then they maybe should have been. Somewhere between the helicopter circeling above them and the paramedic being roped down Josh had come back to Tyler, close enough so they could watch each others eyes for real. The singer held his stance, his dissapointment visible in his face as his friend broke the gaze and looked to the ground. 

Tyler had expected it, to be true. It had been like this all his life, he was a prisoner of the people who loved him, who never had granted him that one wish to go, which he had been gratefull for in the past. He had just really hoped that Josh was different, that he would understand and not trying to stopp him .

Landing behind them, unbuckeling his belt and laying down his medical boxes the paramedic ran up to them then while the helicopter turned and dissapeared. "Hey, my name is Jason. Are you guys alright?" Still starring to the ground Josh could feel tears forming in his eyes, triggered by so many different emotions, but the most prominent one were guilt. "No." he answered, low and sowly, seeing out of the corner of his eyes how Tyler kneeled down, folded his hands in his lap and accepted the betrayel. "No, he's not ok."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sry for the short one, next one's going to be longer


	13. Seperating Ways

The one thing Josh considered to be the most odd was how much his body hurted, given the fact how less it had when he layed on a rocky beach somewhere in the middle of the ocean. Now, placed in a comfortable bed, surrounded by clean, fragranted sheets, it seemed that all the memory of injuries his mind had suppressed when it had been necessary to keep him alive, fell down on him at once. The drummer couldn't even turn his head without groaning of the effort it took, let alone lift his arms, that where both punctured with VA's, pumping liquid and vitamins in his circuit.

They had told him that the most important thing he needed right now was to rest, and he had really tried, still sleep refused to come and slowly Josh began to consider asking for a sedative so he could just fade into the blackness. A soft knock on the door ripped him out of his worrying and the doctor that had done the first checkups when they arrived entered the room. He had been as surprised as everyone how less they were injured regarding to what they had been through and the only one who really seemed to understand what Josh was speaking of when he ordered them to not let Tyler alone for a single second again and again. 

While everyone else had tried to hush him as the two where seperated, the doctor had layed his hand on his arm and looked him in the eye seriously. "Calm down. I get it. I'll take care of him." he had said. Tyler had stopped reacting at all by that time, his words had faded the moment Jason roped him up into the helicopter after Josh had persisted that the singer was took up there first. The way he looked like a body when they placed them on stretches and brought them inside the hospital on a military base god knew where, had frightened his friend to the bone.Tyler had given up, now that he knew the other was in safety. From now on everyone else would fight for his life while all he would be doing was searching for ways to take it away.

Smiling genuine the doctor hinched one of the chairs closer and sat down beside Joshs bed, so the drummer hadn't to move to much to speak propper to him. "How are you feeling, son?" "Like I'd been crashed by a plane." his patient gave back, but his rasp voice betrayed his attempt to be humouros. " "To be honest I still can't believe how less damage you took by that! Both of you were very, very lucky. There must be someone up there holding his hand over you." A picture of a blonde girl, laughing out happily as she were picked off the ground and swung around flashed up in Joshs mind and he gasped. This sort of Deja Vu had happened on a row over the past few hours and made him questioning his mental state even more.

"Guess it is so." he gave back tired, his tongue feeling heavy and week. Observing his face with interest the doctor flipped the folder he brought with him open. "So I took a look on those radiographs we did on you. There's one slightly cracked rip, but your shoulder's joint seem to be ok so far. Sadly I can not say the same about your muscels...I'm afraid at least one of them is ripped, you will have to go through a surgery on that if you want to go back to full mobility." "How is he?" Ignoring the doctors suggestion the drummer flipped the topic quickly then, although he knew the answer. 

Sighing deeply the older male closed his sheets, took his glasses of and leaned back with crossed arms. "You knew that he was going to try it, didn't you? That was why you panicked when you got here." "I'm the only cause he didn't do it already. But I'm safe now...so there's nothing holding him back." Nodding knowingly the doctor did another sigh. "Listen, boy, I should not talk with you about that right now, but I got the feeling that you're strong enough to take it. There's no question in that both of you have suffered a servere pschological trauma. Just because you didn't have to fight with flash-backs or other unpleasent side effects until now it doesn't mean they will come sooner or later. Basically your brains have shut everything out as you had to focus on surviving. Now that you're in safety you have to prepare for the whole thing coming back at you." 

Shifting a little in his seat and crossing his legs he got on. "As far as I learned your friend lost his wife through the crash?" "Yeah...and a lot of our friends where on that plane too." "I should lie to you right now Joshua, as you shouldn't be bothered by any more that you already have to take on...but...he's bad, he's really, really bad. First it seemed like he would just not react to anything and refusing talking to us, but then he ripped his VA's out like three times. When the nurse I seated with him went for the toilett for some minutes because she thought he'd be asleep he got up, broke the mirror and sliced his wrists open. When she got back and tried to stop the bleeding he trashed and bit. We had to restrain him." Closing his eyes on how much the thought of Tyler being chained to a bed made him hurt Josh whinced. 

"We've been contacted by your families, both of your parents are on the way here and will arrive by tomorrow morning. I hope that this will help to ease his shock a little, if it stays like this we will have to commit him to a mental hospital when you go back home. And given the surprisingly good shape both of you are in when it comes to your physique that won't be so long. To be exactly you could fly back to the US in about two or three days if your blood screens stay stable." "It will not get better. Trust me. I know him. He was my best friend." Raising his brow the doctor leaned forward slightly. "Was?" Starring at the clinical white ceiling Josh blinked away the forming tears. "From now on he'll consider me his worst enemy." 

 

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Holding your breath until you die was impossible. Tyler knew that, he had tried it too many times before to be unsure about it, yet it was the only thing he was reduced to since the nurse had brought in some soldiers that held him down until the leather straps were placed securly on him. Whenever he had tried to end his life there had always been that question lingering in his mind: Will I find heaven or hell, will I face god or his demons? Right now Tyler decided that, no matter where he'd went after he was dead, nothing could be more torturous then be held alive against his will. 

Unable to move, not willing to cry his frustration out the singer focused on chanelling all his pain, all his grieve into the one and only thing left for him right then: Hating Joshua Dun for doing this to him.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Impatiently Laura, Kelly and their husbands starred at the doctor who had asked them to follow him in his office and sit down before they'd be able to see their sons. He told them that he understood the urgency they felt to hug their kids, but that it was important to talk before they could. "So let's begin with the good news first. Both of your boys are in an incredible good shape for what has happened to them. Joshua's shoulder where dislocated, which caused some muscles to rip, but they managed to set it in at their own so no further damage was done. Tyler has a pretty deep cut on his front, it's not really a big deal but I'm afraid the scar will be permanent. Both of them got some problems with their digestion as well as the function of their kidneys as an effect of lacking water and food for some days." 

Grabbing Bills hand stronger Laura tried not to envision the both friends, terrified and hurt, thirsty and about to die. "As they were able to find water and even meat, don't ask how right now, no further damage has been done here as well. We got them both on dialysis and they should be strong enough to fly home in about two days." Shakin his head in disbelieve Chris let his hand slip from his wifes shoulder. "That's it? I mean...they crashed with a plane, fell into the ocean, stranded at a beach and walk out with literally...nothing?" 

Tilting his head the doctor tried to lern if the people he talked to would understand the real dimension of the problem. Many relatives he had met had just declined to accept that sometimes a persons mind could kill them faster then their own body. "Mr. Joseph, I'm going to be honest to you. Both of your boys have had incredible luck out there and happened to do the right things in the right moments, god knows why. But that doesn't any lesser the fact that they were nearly killed by a terroristical attack, crashed with that plane and then had to literally fight for their lifes again and again. I can't really judge at the moment as we have to wait how they develop mentally...but it's very likely that they will suffer a Post Tramautic Stress Dissorder." 

For a moment all of them held their breaths, Laura was quick to release hers. "What will that mean?" "That's another thing no one can say by now. Some patients got flashbacks, some get agressive...against others or themselfs." Even if he tried to held his professional blank expression the doctors features slipped for a moment as he saw the hurt in Kellys eyes. "Mrs. Joseph, I'm afraid I gotta tell you that Tyler might have suffered a deeper shock then his friend did. He watched his wife die. It may have snapped something essential in him. In the last 24 hours that he has spend in this facility he tried to kill himself twice. Right now we got him sedated, because he didn't sleep for long. He is not speaking, nor is he eating or drinking."

Chris grip on his wifes shoulder got harder, but she did not break like he expected. She sat there and took in what was said, silently already assembling a mothers weapons to kill his mind. "At the moment we got him hydrated through VA, but if he refuses to eat further we will need to think about that too." 

 

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Ashley was surprised to find Jesse in the livingroom, standing close to the place where her father had hung up a cross between pictures of her brother. After the airports incident and the knowledge that they had been found she had decided to stay in Columbus and he hadn't waited a beat to follow her. Creeping closer she tried to get a hold of what he was saying and smiled when she understood.

"...not been on best terms with each other. But you know what? I get it now. I understand that it maybe was never about the people worshipping you. Maybe it has always been about them getting together through you. Whatever," sighing the young man came to an end, "I need to thank you. That you spared their life...I can't even find words to tell how gratefull I'm for it. I think I will learn to talk to you more." 

Flinching on the arms that suddenly slipped around his midde Jesse relaxed when he inhaled her distinctiv scent. Covering her hands with his he leaned back into her, closed his eyes, listened to the beat of their hearts, that had become more synchronised along the way.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Trying to be brave hadn't sounded so difficult after what he had experienced. Still Josh didn't even last two minutes when his parents finally were allowed to see him. Laura had opened the door, slowly, cautious, but the second she got sight of her son she walked straight up to him and just pulled him in, pressed him to her heart and started to pray,out of an intention, out of the fullness of her heart that needed to be expressed. It was then when the weight lifted. 

In a sudden Josh felt like every strain snapped inside of him. He felt all his bones hurting at once, all his emotions running wild and drowning him and he couldn't do other then sit there and cry, cry his heart out for all the terrible things he had seen and hadn't let himself recognise until then. Bill had come closer and watched the scene with tears in his own eyes, unsure how to react to it, but he was fast to take his sons hand as it was shakingly extended in his direction. 

They stayed like this through the breakdown, and after it in silence, until Bill got up to check up on the Josephs and the night began to dim the lights. Running her fingers down his neck Laura pushed her son back then, only far enough to see his face. It were not the lines under his eyes or the small cuts that worried her. It where the expression she saw shining through. "Mum..." sobbing a little quieter now, but still ripped up the drummer let his hands fall between them then, took hers and started to fiddle with them.

"I've done such a bad thing. I...I've..." "Sch..." shushing him Laura increased the grip of her hands on his. "Joshua listen. I know that what you've been through must have been terrifying and I can't even imagine what you feel right now. But I'm here, and I will be here, as long as you need me, so...just take your time, ok? You don't need to tell me what happened yet...just promise me to rest." Pushing him further back into the cusions and pulling the blanket up on him just like she had used to do when he was a child Laura smiled as he followed her order and just closed his eyes. 

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

The coffee was hot and strong, exactly what they needed and so Bill made sure to give the nurse a thankfull smile as she left them in the stuff room. Chris had taken place on one of the chairs, his shoes off, his feat on another. It was a strange picture, seeing him sitting there as if he would watch a game, when instead he was starring at the electronic mirrored form of his son. 

Kelly had asked him to stay back right away. They both could only imagine what state of mind he must have been in when he learned that Jenna was dead. The doctor had told her that Tyler, according to his friend, had interacted while they were out there, but when she finally stood beside his bed she wasn't even sure if that was right. She had seen this before, for short episodes, him lying there motionless, starring at the ceiling with opened, but freezed eyes. When it happened first she thought he was gone, but by time she got used to it. Sometimes Tyler used to play pretend to be dead. And he did it so well that he nearly was. 

Taking place beside his friend Bill nudged him in the arm lightly. "Hey." he stated, taking another sip and waving the cup at the other, "Good stuff, hugh?" Smiling a little, but not taking his eyes from the screen Chris answered: "Yeah. Keeps me going." Nodding approvingly Bill waited for the other to get on, as he didn't wanted to press. "How is Joshua?" "Well, he's completly shaken. I guess it's for the best if we get our boys home as soon as possible." Grunting Chris agreed. Observing how lifeless Tyler appeared on the screen his friend couldn't pererve to ask. 

"Will you take him home?" "No. Not this time." "Kelly will not be pleased with that." "I know. But we've been through that, Bill. We're going to do what we should have done years before. Tyler needs serious help. Kelly and I are too old for this shit. And I wouldn't even know what to say to him if he'd listen." 

 

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There was no need in touching him, another thing she had learned. He was not there, not in his spiritual form, his shell all that was left. Often Kelly had wished she could follow Tyler inside his mind and help him to find whatever he was searching for, whatever he needed to come back. At the same time she didn't even know if there was something to find. Beside his music the only thing her son had chased with all passion had been to end his life.

Sitting down on the bed beside him Kelly sighed. She was sure that he could feel her presence somehow and that he would return to her sooner or later as he had no chance to escape right now. She knew she should have been thankfull to god for keeping him alive. Seeing how much he suffered, feeling how loud he screamed inside Kelly pondered if it hadn't have been for a better if the lord would have let him died.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

"Ok. I love you too, dad. Bye." Hanging up Zack gave himself a minute to stable himself on the counter before he turned and walked into the living room. It was late, but still none of the siblings had wanted to leave their shared place, up to the point where Ashley had fallen asleep on Jesses lap and Jay snorred with his head on Jordans shoulder. Like so often as in the last days it hit the oldest how much of a family all of them had become, over the years of their brothers being together. It was beautiful in it's own kind of way. 

"So, what did he say?" Maddy asked from across the room, where she was sitting on her husbands lap, ripping Zack out of his thoughts. "They're better then we thought, actually they will fly them home in a few days...that means...Joshua will be coming home." Sensing the hurt behind his words Jordan frowned. "What about Ty?" Glancing to the ground, trying to be the composed eldest he thought he had to be, Zack whispered more then he said: "Dad says it's like the old days. And we all know what he means by that. Just, this time...they plan to send him away."


	14. Back Flash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I made you wait so Long for the update...not Feeling all to good at the Moment. I'll try to update faster again. You know....you're comments are my fuel so feel free to voice whatever you think :)

Water, all around him, pressuring his lungs, his ears, his head. It was pulling him, deeper and deeper, down into the darkness, the abyss. Still Josh realised that he breathed and started to wonder why as he sank deeper and deeper until black nothingness surrounded him. Still he felt like floating, like being engulfed in the ocean, but he couldn't make out a single thing. Breathing the water, but not choking on it, he started to swim, in the direction he thought was foreward, but soon only found the ground beneath him, dead sand, stretched endless to all sides. 

There was a movement below him, a snake, making her way through the grey corns, stopping and looking at him. Her eyes were steel blue, she hissed and then got on her journey, dissapearing in the blackness that limited his sight. Josh tried to follow, squinted his eyes as he saw shadows, outlines of figures somehow. Speeding up, desperate for human contact, he swam through the liquid, that seemed to be so much heavier then water, still as crystal clear. 

The shadwos seemed to close in around him as he reached a certain point, a bulb hanging down from a ceiling he couldn't see...no...a microphone, that lit up the moment he touched it. As the light flodded the space around him he first thought it were trees, dark, big one's surrounding him. But as Josh turned around he realised that they were bodys, and one was standing right behind him and calling his name...

 

"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" shouting out the drummer shot up from his bed and came to stand beside it, doubling over and heaving on the floor. He closed his eyes in the action but ripped them open violently as the last freezed frame of his nightmare waited there...Jennas face, gnawed by fish, grey and dead and horrible. Slowly coming to himself, his breath still racing Josh realised that something was trickling down his arms and found that he had ripped out both of his VA's when he jumped up. 

All this happened in seconds, but seemed like years to him. Time didn't catch up, he could see the nurse bursting through the door, his mum behind her, he tried to open his mouth and speak, but his mind decided to just give in. Falling to his knees slowly first, Josh hit the floor with his face only a moment later.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

In the shadows of the night was when he came back. Kelly didn't need to turn on the lights, nor take a closer look. She knew Tyler was with her by the way his breath changed, not in beat but in intensity, as much as she knew that he could feel her presence and was aware of her sitting beside the bed. Knowing him well enough she didn't raise her voice but waited for him to speak. The agonized, cracked whisper that broke from his lips made her flintch inside, still Kelly just sat there, didn't touch her son. "Let me die." he begged, like he had done so often before, but never with such an itensity behind it. 

"You know I can't." she replied, tongue heavy, throat dry. "I gave you life. But I'm not the one allowed to take it away. When your time is over is only his to decide." Tyler sucked in a deep clattering breath then. "I don't want to follow him anymore. He is so cruel." "God is not cruel. But I agree that sometimes, he makes mistakes. And this might have been one of them. He learns us to forgive each other...and we should be able to forgive him." Creeping a litte closer Kelly layed her hands on the beds edge and propped up her chin on it. 

Slowly lowering one hand on his front, cold fingers tracing his burning skin Kelly sighed. "God had a cause to keep you alive, Ty. You just need to find what purpose he had in mind for that." Still starring straight at the ceiling her son hadn't moved a bit, only his lips slightly twitching in the pale light of the moon falling through the curtains. "There's nothing to find. I've been everywhere. I've searched every corner." "What about your music?" Kelly had hoped for silence but he didn't need a heartbeat to come up with the answer. "She died back there with her." 

 

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The next time Josh woke up was more pleasent, even if he felt like shit. Ever muscle in his body screamed and his throat was sour from the vomiting, still opening his eyes and breathing fine was a welcomed change for him. Rushing to his side the minute he opened his eyes his mother was quick to brush the strands of hair out of his eyes and smile down at him. "You don't need to < baby > me, mom, I'm grown you know?" Chuckling lightly Laura patted his arm and leaned back a bit. "You'll always stay my little baby, you should know that."

Changing to serious features she got on then: "You gave us a pretty good shock. I hope you are aware that you will need help when we get home...like...professional one." "I know. And I trust you to find someone." Pushing out a reliefed breath Laura squeezed his hand then. "Of course. Your father has already arranged something. And we talked to your doctor. We will be able to fly home tomorrow evening. He suggested to sedate you for the flight because it's not sure how you'll react to a plane." Nodding in consent Josh brought his hand to his mouth and started to gnaw on his nails, shooting his mother a dissapointed look as she gently stopped him. 

"Joshua...can I ask you something?" The soft tone she used and the way she did not look directy in his eyes told him the topic already. Eager to avoid it he tried to look worse then he felt. "I'm tired, I think I wanna sleep." Of course she did not let him out that easy. "So I am right...something HAS happened between you and Tyler. You didn't even asked me once how he is. What's wrong, Josh?" Shaking his head he turned over, pretending to go to sleep, well hearing but not answering her. "Fine...if you wanna act like a twelve year old go ahead...but you shoud know by now that I'm way more stubborn then you, boy."

 

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Jordan couldn't take it anymore. He had listened to Zack and Madison screaming at each other for hours now, and seeing how much it affected all the other ones around them he had enough. Struggeling to his feet, snatching his crutches he limped over to them, and drove one of the crutces right down on the desk between them. "ENOUGH!" he yelled, both opponents jumping backwards a bit on the drive of his interruption. Still furious Jordan turned to the older then. 

"Zack, for heavens sake, we don't even know if your parents had a choice! This is not Tyler in some teen-angst-depression, this might be him suffering on a serious stress caused dissease! Maybe there is no other way!" Every one ducked a little, waiting for a loud, explosive reply that never came. Balling his hands into fists, casting his glance to the floor Zack just growled: "You got no idea what you're talking off." And with that he turned and walked out the back door.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

It was dark and cold when Zack stumbled down the few stairs to the garden and nearly let the blanket fall to ground. Gaining his balance back, trying to fold the comforter together as much as he could so it would not get dirty the small boy made his way to the shadows, away from the loud, nervous voices in the kitchen. His parents weren't really fighting, Zack knew that, still the topic they talked so anxious about left him heartbroken. Like evertime when he heard his father raise his voice, his mother crying the fourteen-year old got up and went to comfort the one that was hit most by this. 

Zack hadn't even bothered to knock at their old shared room, he knew Tyler wouldn't be there. The older never sat out their discussions about him, he fled, into his brothers bed first when they still were together, somewhere else when his parents decided to seperate them so Zack wouldn't be affected by his older brothers dissease anymore. Tripping in the wet grass and nearly falling again the boy headed for a tree in the back of the yard, the farest corner. He was reliefed to see that Tyler hadn't pulled up the latter to the treehouse. 

Slowly, carefully Zack climbed up, wishing there would be at least the moon giving him a little light, but knowing that the older would preferre the pitch black darkness the night served. When he reached the edge of the treehouse Zack pushed the blanket above so it was secured, then climbed the rest of the way up and kneeled in silence for a moment. His heart stopped as there were no sound, but slowly started it's beat again as he could make out quiet sobs. Crawling towards them, pulling the blanket behind him, Zack found his brother then, pressed into a corner, his arms slung around his knees. 

This where the times when it didn't counted if they had fought that day over simple nothing, or if they were supposed to hate each other like good brothers did. Zack took place beside Tyler and covered them both in the blanket, wrapping the older in his arms, sighing on how simple he fell against his chest when his tears broke. "They...they gonna send me away, Zack. I'll loose you...I...I can't...you're all I have..." Pulling the older even closer the boy kissed his temple. "I won't let them, Ty. I'm not giving up on you. Never." 

 

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Tyler didn't wanted to sleep, because he knew the dreams would come then. He found it way better to remember, even if the memories drew pain, it was not that hard then having no controll over what his brain showed him. Of course he could have asked for a sedative and surely would have gotton one...but he was way beyond the point of talking more then strictly necessary. To remember Jenna was too painfull, he carefully avoided that part of his brain, but still he went back, to a place where he had felt nearly as empty as right now and had been forced to stay alive too, by his sense of duty.

It had been the begining of what many people called his healing, the first steps of displaying his internal fight for the outside, transforming it into music for others to hear. There had been those first few Gigs, and then another few, and slowly there had been the dawn of the feeling that they could go far, get to be great. In the euphoria of this times Tyler had been more open to people then he ever had been before. Maybe that was why he welcomed Chris' idea to introduce him to a friend of his. "I'm sure you'll like him, whenever he talks about music I got the feeling I'm talking to you." had been his words. 

Tyler hadn't known that Josh was in the crowd that night and stayed distanced friendly when Chris dragged him backstage, although he felt something that he couldn't describe from the very first moment he met the drummer. That had been why he had not only saved the others number...he hadn't deleted it afterwards as he used to do back then. Something about Josh was gravitational, and sooner as he liked Tyler found himself texting the older. The late summer night they spent sitting on a hill on top of the drummers beat down car could have been romantic, if they would have been into each other in such a way. 

And reminiscing the moments Tyler found that they fell in love...with each others mind and soul, but never with their hearts as real lovers used to do. Still the way Josh talked about music, about what it meant to him made the singer hang on his lips, smiling softly on the comparisons the drummer drew between the infinitness of space and the floating in melodies, carried by a beat. They both had known that they would get great together when the morning came. What they didn't had in mind back then was the hate that Tyler felt right now. 

 

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The air was warm around them, still both boys felt a chill running down their spines. It was late enough to be early and for two people who had more or less just met it was strange to feel so close already, still both of them found comfort in the connection they seemed have to built in these past hours. Raising his arm to the sky, retracing the constellations, Josh enjoyed Tyler soft voice beside him in the grass, where both of them were lying on their backs. "I don't only want to be heared, you know? I want them to listen. I mean...I got to say something. It's not just lyrics..." "You want them to think." "Exactly. Music is so much more it's..." "A heartbeat?" 

Smiling Tyler turned his head to the side and admired the other boys features, the way his brain seemed to be able to catch up to him. "Yeah...it's the language of the soul." Letting his arm fall between them, turning his face himself Josh smirked at him. "You got a beautiful soul." Blushing the younger boy gnawed on his lower lip then, still alienated by the way they seemed to click, but getting more and more confident. "Just like yours." 

It should have been awkward, but it was not. With any other person Tyler would have backed out, yanked away, run as fast his feet carried him. But with Josh it was different, not in the kind of way he was afraid it to be, in a whole new level. They both knew it weren't their hearts that fell for each other, still the connection that was made that night was something for a lifetime. "I'd drop everything just to play a single time with you, you know?" the drummer whispered and Tyler nodded slowly, not even sure if the other could see the motion. "I will take you up on this. We just have to wait until life tells us to."


	15. Brothers

The familiar smell of home couldn't take away the horror instantly, still it helped to subside it quicker. Joshs mouth felt dry and furry somehow when he dawned, slowly rose from the strange floating state he had been in. He recognised where he was by the texture of the sheets around him, the way the moonlight fell through the curtains, left shadows on the floor. This was home. This was where he had longed to be. Sitting up cautious, waiting for his circulation to stable Josh observed the room he had lived in so long. 

Scanning the posters on the wall he remembered how hard he had fought to keep them, how his mum made him serve dutys for every single one of them. She had hated them so much, like she had hated the music, at least that had been what he thought back then. Nowadays he knew that she just had been afraid. It had taken her a while to accept that all this, the punk, the tattoos, the hair was not only a part of him – it were him. And when he finally left home she didn't take them off, left the room untouched, waiting for him to return and feel safe whenever he needed.

Swinging his feet out of the bed, testing waters he decided that he was strong enough to stand up on his own. Of course he whobbled a bit, but nothing that couldn't be done with gripping a piece of furniture here and there to stay stabled, or leaning against a wall from time to time. The cold wooden floor felt strange under his feet, after he had walked through sand for days. Padding down the hall, paying heet to be silent he reached the stairs then, more felt then saw his way down on the fluffy carpet. 

When he stopped autimatically at the end of them, wondering for a moment why he knew that it was the last step, even if it was too much in the shadows to see, he realised how important this place was to him. Where ever he went, were ever he had been, he had always been welcomed back here, this belonged to him as much as it did to his siblings, this were the house he were born, raised, educated in. This were where they had formed his mind, where his father had told him how proud he was of him because of his personality.

Josh knew he should have been gratefull in that moment, maybe even have prayed and thanked god for letting him come back to this, although he had been supposed to be dead already. Thanking him for not letting his family and friends give up on them. But somehow the drummer struggled to worship someone that seemed to be so unfair in his decissions. While he had been saved Tyler had lost everything he had. And instead of taking the last thing he posessed, the breath in his lungs, the beating of his heart, god had decided to keep him alive. There was nothing the singer had done to deserve this, while he himself even had taken a life. And that was what made Josh doubting. 

Reaching the kitchen he blindly grabbed a glas from a shelf and filled it with water, slowly drinking as he had learned in the past few days. It was strange how aware he suddenly was of small actions like this, how genuine he had used to drain water down his throat before he nearly died on the lack of it. These things made more sense to him now, as did life in common and death in special. Leaning his arms on the kitchen sink, starring down at it and feeling a well known beat indepentdently growing in his head he nearly overheared the footsteps behind him, but they were to uniqe, to irregular to subside into the noises of his mind. 

Josh turned, slowly, keeping his balance, and tried to smile, but failed miserably when tears slipped out of his eyes. Leaning on the doorframe, his weight supported on the crutches, Jordan looked at him, expecting, thankfull. "Just come here, ok?" the younger whispered, leaving out all hellos and big words, translating the need to feel, to physical be assured that he really was there. They fell into a tight embrace, one that made both of them cry in silence until their hearts slowed down again and found a common beat. "I am so sorry!" Jordan voiced finally, pulling back and heading for a chair. Helping the younger to sit down and lift the broken leg up on another seat Josh lowered himself beside him, crossing his legs, sitting on the floor. 

Without knowing really why he rested his front at his brothers hip and kept his eyes down to the floor, closing them on the feeling of the hand that found a way into his hair and stroked it. "There's nothing you have to be sorry for." "I accepted you were dead. I feel like I nearly killed you." Freezing Josh yanked back, bringing more space between them, leaving the other confused. "That's not the same. Believe me. I know what I'm speaking off." Even if he couldn't understand Jordan still gave a nod, to signalise that he tried. "Will you tell me what happened to you and Tyler?" he asked, feeling like he maybe already knew. Josh stood up and limped to the window, ripped it open, sucking for fresh air. "I don't think I can." he whispered, letting his hope flying out into the night. 

 

Xxxxxx

 

White, clinical walls, implemented with what should have been jolly pictures. Tyler couldn't find the point in it, even if the emptiness had yielded to a strange dull feeling. The singer knew he where drugged, that they had pumped chemicals in his veins that should have made him feel better...feel at all. But he was too intelligent to be tricked with such simple distractions, he didn't buy what they tried to make him think. There was no hope, no < getting better > inside these walls. Where they had brought him was a terminal stop. 

At least they hadn't restrained him, just let him ly alone in an empty room, well knowing he would be too dizzy to really try to get up anyway. And still, he was monitored, watched by a camera, set up on the wall, kept under controll. For now he had to kneel to their concept, but Tyler was far from playing by their rules. He knew that, sooner or later, they would make a mistake, simply because their desire to hold him back couldn't match the one he held to die. 

No one was there with him, surely a credit to the strict regulations this place held, not to his family lacking interest. Vaguely Tyler had heared his mother fighting a heated discussion with one of the guards, but she had lost before it even started to get servere. Kelly had always been on his side...as long as her own powers had let her. This time it had got too much, and she was a lot older. He assumed she just had known that she wouldn't change his mind anymore. 

The good thing about the drugs where that they slowed his thoughts down, even more, and subsided all pain, dimmed down the bright flash of whatever emotions peaked up in his left-side brain. Tyler had learned to use states like that for his benefit. He had never activily taken drugs, nor did he drink, but if he was forced to get something in his system he took the most advantage out of it. Knowing that he was safe from further harm he let his memories wander back to her, imagining her face. 

Everybody had been mesmerized by her eyes but Tyler had been an addict to her lips. The way a thousand lines appeared and highlighted her smiles or words in the most beautiful ways had drawn him in so much, that she had even found it creepy the first time they met. He had just not been able to take his eyes of them, and later his own lips, when she had learned that he was maybe odd, but in the cute rather then the dangerous way. Still it had been a miracle she had let him come so far, up to the point where she let him take her as his wife. Tyler never understood what she saw in him, when it was so obvious the other way around. Jenna had been beautiful from the out- and inside and every where he lacked the glimmer of something bright. 

She would have deserved that he cried, screamed, moaned on her loss, but muted by the chemicals and cut off his heart by his own will all Tyler did was thinking up ways to follow her. Relucantly he gave up his daydream about her, when the door was opened, somebody stepped in. The singer didn't turn his head, nor did he listen to the footfall, he recognised the visitors touch though when it fell on his fingers. Like in the old days, like he had learned back then, Zack didn't use words. He just interwinded their fingers and squeezed the olders' in his own, a signal of not letting go, no matter what.

Tyler had leaned on his younger brother a lot of times, and not one of them the weight of his world had became too heavy for Zack. He had prooved his loalty over and over and determined it again this time. Sitting down beside him, leaning his temple against their locked hands the younger whispered: "I'm no letting you down, Ty. I'll get you out of here, no matter what."

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxx 

 

It was a sad beginning to what would be a sad week, days of desperation and tears, endless tears. Nobody had expected him to take part in the funeral that where held for Mark and Michael that day, still Josh insisted on being there. The drummer felt like it would be the least he could do...it was something he could do, while laying around just made him feel helpless. His whole family had vowed to come with him, not only to escort him through, espacially these two boys had also been close, nearly a part of them. 

Mark and Michael had been their first crew, the first to follow them where ever they went, brothers by heart. None of them had ever complained about the nights in the back of the van or the endless hours of driving. They had lived a teenage dream together, four boys, out to get what life had to offer and only one of them returned now, his gaze casted to the ground, his hands locked thight around the one's of his brother and mother. Josh didn't had the heart to walk up to the parents, to give them his condolences and Laura had told him that it was not needed...Mark and Michaels family understood well what he had gone through. 

Guided by Jordan and Laura, followed by Ashley and his father he took place in the last row of many, saw so much familiar faces that tried to shoot him a smile that got stuck in the sadness that had took over the room. With surprise he found that Kelly and Chris where there as well, on the other side of the room, both with their heads low, praying it seemed. Josh hadn't dared to ask and nobody had seen an urge in telling him, but he had expected them to be at Tylers side. That they were here and he maybe alone where ever he was right now, gave the drummers heart another tear. 

Slowly the whispered conversations around them died down as the pastor began to held his speech. He talked about god's mercy and Josh decided not to listen too close, he would have interrupted and corrected the man otherwise. Instead he let his mind wander back to the day they borded the flight. Michael had handed them their tickets, laughed at their hassle of the crew being sprawled all over the plane. "Don't worry, we got a tripple row for you lovebirds!" he had joked, patting Josh and Tyler on their shoulders and giving Jenna a wink. 

"I get window!" the blonde had bursted and snatched the tickets. "Nope, you got window last time, it's my turn!" Josh had given back. "Well, as long as I can be in the middle I don't care!" an amused Tyler had added. Fuck. It was like a lightning strike hitting him right then and there. 

Josh felt his throat closing up, less oxygen running through it as he tried to suck in a deep breath. They had switched seats...Jenna had wanted to have his but he had been stubborn. Maybe, if she hadn't been seated there...  
Not able to close up the thought Josh tried to signalise his loved ones what was going on, but he couldn't get a single noise out. Terrified he tried to breath again, but nothing came, no air rushed to his lungs. Frantically he started to squeeze his brothers hand and gladly Jordan took up on it, raised his head to observe him and instantly saw that something was wrong. 

Without taking care of the people turning to him Jordan got up and signalised Ashley to help their brother, drag him outside. Although he was nearly fainting Josh rushed to his own feet the second his siblings made him understand that they would lead him outside and followed Jordan, his arm thightly closed around Ashleys small form, leaning more on her then he should have been. Grunting the small woman did her best to stable him, but when they had passed the doors of the church she couldn't held him up any longer and helped him to sit down on the floor. 

"Get water, Ash, now!" Jordan ordered her before he struggled down himself, careless throwing the crutches aside and taking the olders hands in his. "Joshua, look at me." He really wanted to, but he couldn't. Suddenly his eyes felt like glued close, and the reality began to fade. Josh was no longer sitting in the sun, on the concrete, he found himself in the plane, watching Jennas face go pale as the detonation sounded. He realised it then and there, of couse he had known it, but it sank in that moment. Dead. Mark and Michael were dead. They all were. No one left but him and Tyler. And soon, he was going to be the only one. 

There was a voice, far away, calling for him, fingers, kneading his, raising light pain in order to connect him back to his current situation. Josh fought to follow the sound, to get out of his own brain and slowly he was able to open his eyelids, focus on Jordan in front of him. "Ok, just don't close them again, look at me, the whole time. I need you to breath, Josh. Slowly, 1....2....3...." the younger started the moment he was sure to be heared, keeping his voice uneggitated even if he wanted to scream right then, but it was not was his brother needed. Josh was surrounded by chaos, Jordan had got that, maybe more then anybody else, and so he gave his best to be the one stable element that grounded the drummer then. 

That he had succeeded was shown in the way the tears finally broke, Josh sucked in a breath and blew it out with a shaky sob. "They....They're all dead...they..." he tried to tell, but failed, desperatly clinging on their locked hands, fixing his eyes on the familiar face before him. "I know. Just...calm down. We'll take you home...you need rest."

 

xxxxxxxxx

Letting his feet hang over the edge of the building Zack watched the sun set over Columbus. He tended to take it personal, how casually she faded, without taking notice of the drama that day had brought. Seeing no point in holding a funeral without a body Zack had declined to go to the service, just as he planned to do with Jennas by the end of the week. There were more important things to do now then to moan who was already lost. When he had came there hours before he had vowed to himself that this was about prooving his parents wrong, about showing how much they failed in reading his brother. 

All he had found was the acknowledge of what they had said and while this should had dissuaded him from his plan it only made him more determined. Their parents had them brought up with a firm faith – but still with the ability of logical reasoning. Letting the night taking him over, still starring out to where the sun had left the Sky Zack decided that none of it was what he would follow right now. He pulled his phone out of his jacket and pushed himself up, balancing on the edge for a moment, letting a feet linger in the air before he hopped off the small wall and walked back to the staircase. 

Timing his footsteps to the ringing he drew a deep breath as his call was answered. "Jordan? Hey. We need to talk."


	16. Soul start leaving

* @joshuadun

I miss you. A little too much. A little too often. A little more every day. You where like a sister to me and I'll never understand why you had to be gone. Kick ass up there, Jen. I know you'll rock heaven. *

Letting his phone slide down to his chest with his tears Josh waited for the vibration of notifications to come. His first tweet, his first official sign of life since they were back. He hadn't known other then to write down what he felt, especially on that day, when they would carry an empty coffin to her grave. The drummer had insisted on going there, but had been cut off by all his family and friends. Everyone was sure he couldn't take it and that at least Jordan spoke up for him didn't help the situation the slightest. Laura literally grounded him, in fear of a revision of some days before. 

Little did she know that what she left him to might have been even worse. Seeing Zack would be both, a relieve and a burden as he knew Tylers younger brother would be the only one brutal honest in this. It had only been a few months ago when him and Tyler had realized how much their brothers meaned to them. The both younger have had their backs, whenever they failed to do it their own, with subtely, always staying in their shadows. 

Josh remembered when Zack called him one day the foregone summer, telling him to talk to Ty, because he had looked sad in an interview. The drummer had brushed it off but the younger insisted, telling him he just felt something was off, not right. It was when Josh had learned how much his friend and his wife struggled because she wanted to start a family and Tyler felt not ready to be a father yet. 

Somewhere around fall, when they were on the road for weeks, Tyler came up to him and hugged him out of nowhere, thight, long, with a smile. As Josh asked what that brought up and admitted that this was just what he had lacked, the singer shrugged and told him Jordan called him to tell him to do this more, he'd need it. Silent and contained the two brothers had always made sure they were there for each other. They told them when a song sounded like shit or when they were too sassy in interviews. Jordan and Zack where just as much a part of their band and their friendship themselfs.

A soft knock on the door startled Josh then, he straightened up and whipped his eyes, tried to appear collected. Of course it was lost afford, Zack and Jordan didn't need to take a second look to know he was upset. "Hey." his own brother gave, stepping closer, taking his hand without hesitation. "You alright?" "No." Josh gave back, honestly, too tired to lie. His weak smile mirrored the one on Zacks face, it was a ghost of an emotion that should have been there but was replaced by a stronger one. 

Still Tylers brother gave himself a push and walked over to the bed, sat down, reached out and pulled him into a hug, shaking slightly all over. "I'm so glad you are alive." he breathed, "I can't think of what I'd done if the both of you..." stopping there he took a halt, pulling back, folding his hands in his lap. Josh realised that the younger asked for permission to get on and he gave it with a small nod. "I know they say it will help him to get better, the treatments they are trying on him, but they won't. Tyler is not coming back, Joshua. And we need to decide how to help him to leave." 

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

It were the moms that took most of the grieve, as even if these were modern times the fathers were suspected to be the stronger ones. That Jennas wasn't was prooved by his lack of attending his daughters funeral...he have had an heart attack just the da before and had to stay in hospital. So Kelly and Laura took his place beside Jennas mother when the people lined up to do their condolences, letting her lean on them, thanked all them in her name when she couldn't raise her voice anymore. 

Behind her back their hands were locked all the time as both of them needed something to hold on, to grab, to anchor them into the reality. Only a few days before they had prepared to put their sons to rest as well and even if Laura knew Josh was safe back home she could sense how afraid, how still unsure Kelly was. Still she let the whole ordeal go by, until it was evening and everybody started to leave, Jennas mother layed down after being given her sedatives and calmness took a hold of the scene. 

Searching for her friend Laura found the other woman standing in the hallway, at the steps, looking at a picture of Tylers and Jennas wedding. Her daughter in law had been so breathtaking beautiful, so kind, so lovly...she had been all she could ever had wished for her son. Laura understood that her death might striken Kelly nearly as much as Tylers would have. 

Stepping aside the other woman Josh mother touched her shoulder then, laid her hand on it. "You look tired. Come, let me drive you home. Bill and Chris are going to do a few drinks at the bar." Not taking her eyes of the photograph Kelly shook her head. "I need to go back to the hospital. I need to stay with Ty." Laura knew she should have objected, but she couldn't, too well she knew the feeling every mother would have on this. "Can I do anything to help? Anything to make him come back?" Reminding herself of the light in his eyes the day he made Jenna his own Kelly starred at the papered memory of her son. "I'm afraid no one can." 

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

"And what do we have next?" The doctor asked with a hint of annoyance. To be there, inside these white walls, the one were barely someone escapeed from, was always a burden for him. If it wasn't for the lack of other collegues he would have declined coming down here, but at least the cash was good. "Tyler Joseph, 28, PTSD patient with servere depressional primary disease. He refuses to eat or drink, we need to set a probe." the borred male nurse informed him. Looking up surprised the doctos tilted his head. 

"Joseph, Joseph...isn't that the singer-guy?" "Yap, they crashed with the plane two weeks ago. Was all over the news." Slipping on his gloves, preparing for the ordeal the doctor sighed. "My teen daugther is all over them. Went to a concert two months ago with her older brother. He's pretty talented, from what I heard." Chewing hard on his gum, ever eying the clock that promised his shift's end the nurse shrugged. "Might have been until now. If you ask me that guy has gone completly insane. He has not moved an inch since they brought him here. He doesn't even blink." 

Checking the medical file the doctor hummed. "Why do they give him such strong sedatives then?" "Tried to kill himself like three times. From what I heared he goes berserk against himself the moment he's not drugged or restrained." "So he is trying to starve?" "Guess." "What a pleasure!" sighing the doctor pushed the door to the patient's room open and ceded it to the nurse to bring in the cart with the necessary supplies. Watching the young man on the bed before him attentive the doctor cleared his throat. "Good afternoon, Mr. Jospeh. Frank here told me you got some trouble with eating. I'm here to help you to change that." As he had expected there were no answer, the singer just layed there on his back with his gaze fixed at the ceiling. 

"Are you familiar with the act of artificial feeding?" He waited the legal time he had to give the patient to respond, but not a second more. The case was pretty clear, this one wouldn't give in just at the thread of getting a tube down his neck. "I suppose you're not. So I gotta inform you." Turning around the doctor took a tube from the card behind him. "First we gonna lube up these baby here and attach a probe to it. Then I'm gonna insert this into your throat, sliding it down to your stomach. We'll have a special nutrian solution ready to give you every few hours so we make sure you'll get the minimum you need." 

Giving the nurse a side glance, stepping closer to his patient the doctor leaned down to catch the young man's gaze. A shudder ran through him when he found how empty it was. "Son, if you refuse to eat further I gotta do this right now. It will not only hurt like hell, it will maybe damage your vocal chords. From what my daughter tells me you're a pretty smart boy, so why don't you just try to listen to my collegues down here, hm? I know you've been through much, but believe me, I've seen people going through even more...and they all got along somehow. Just get yourself together and don't make it even worse then it is." 

He really wished there had been an answer as doing this for patients who couldn't eat was never fun. As there was none the doctor realised that doing this to someone who just wanted to die was even more of a torture. Tyler did not scream, nor trash, nor show any sign of life as the tube was forced down his throat. He just lay there and abandoned his body, knowing that sooner or later they would give up on him.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Not even the nightfall could darken the shadows in the room that lingered, floated, passed them by and infused them. Jordan leaned on the wall, nervously tapping his foot, being part and yet not being part of all this. Zack had made clear that as less people were involved the better as what he had planned was...insane, to put it mildly. In fact Jordan wasn't even sure if he would keep silent about this if his brother really would agree. He would have done anything to help Tyler, everything possible...but to help him to die was way out of bound. It was murder. 

Somewhere along the way he had stopped to follow the quiet conversation on the bed and had backed down to gather himself, to decide what to do. Now, as he still hadn't an answer to that question he tried to catch up to what his brother planned to decide on. "You're the only other person in this world who understands what I'm talking off, Joshua. You know his mind...you know how strong he is. No matter how long they keep him down, the first chance he gets he will try it again...and again...and it all will become a neverending nightmare." 

Josh leaned back into the pillows and let his eyes slid half closed. He was tired, nauseous, overwhelmed by the feelings burning inside of him. Feeling displaced he tried to connect to who he had been before that all happened, tried to find back to himself. "I'm his best friend, Zack, not his brother. I can't do what you want from me! I'm supposed to keep him alive." Letting his head roll down hanging between his shoulders Zack leaned his arms on his thights. Jordan released a breath, glad that at least Josh seemed not to be out of his mind. His air hitched as Zack looked up again and growled. "Fine. You know what? Come with me and see him. And then we talk again." 

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Jesse hadn't known Jenna very well, but what he knew was that she had been an angel. The way she changed Tyler for a better was a miracle, with nothing then the way she used to look at him, kiss him, take his hand. The blonde had never failed to spread love and kindness where ever she went, and love and kindness was what Jesse felt when he walked with Ashley to over the graveyard that evening. The fans had respected the families wished well and had not attendet the service, but in the evening they came, one by one, and they brought hundrets of candles, flowers, pictures, letters. Jennas grave was adorned in it, and when they came through people made place for them, let them join the circle of praying fans.

Feeling gratitude in his heart Jesse hugged a few of them who cried openly, touched by how much they were affected by the loss of a good soul they never knew. Ashley just stood nearby the stone, her hand lingering on it, her eyes fixed on the fresh earth. Knowing that it was kind of prohibited to think of her like that right in this moment the artist couldn't help but admire her beauty in the dimn light of the moon and the thousand candles. It inspired words in him to see her like that and he withdrew a bit, sat down under an old tree and pulled a worn little book out of his pocket.

Taking in the power of the moment Jesse let his heart pour on the page, his very own version of mourning and they all stayed there for a long time, for making sure Jennas grave wouldn't be abandoned that night so her soul could find home.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

In the emptiness of his mind he drowned in hurt, especially when she came to talk to him. Tyler had asked her to leave a lot of times now, still she kept coming back. There was her smile and there was her hair and all the little details of her skin. Realising that he knew her so well he could paint a picture of her even if he were blind just drove him deeper and deeper into agony. From time to time, every other hour Tyler wished he could trash, scream, hit at the walls, but he was so tired, so numbed, he could barely raise his hand a little. 

Things began to mix up, his skill to seperate vision from reality where long gone, so Tyler didn't knew if the footsteps he heared approaching where there or a product of his mind. What he decided quickly was, that the calm hands giding over his face, the soft lips, the steel blue eyes where a ghost, a succubus, tempting him to where he was unable to follow. "Let me go..." he pleaded, crying silent, dry tears, finally going crazy over the hurt of having lost her.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

He knew the streets they where driving through, the buildings that had housed a broad variation of businesses over the years. Josh got the certain smell of Columbus, the way the morning sun tinted the streets orange before the heat of the day would turn them back to a dirty gray. As much as he loved his hometown, Josh had never wanted to die in this place, it just felt so hopeless to do that, to leave live at the same position you were born in. Fragments of late night conversations, of the crazy ones, when they were high on adrenalin from a show and everybody else asleep, creeped him by. 

Tyler had always pictured himself once living in Ohio, near his parents place and being lowered into the ground beside his ancestors. The drummer wonderes if fate would have gone other ways if they would have never left the state. If they wouldn't have been world touring muscicians. If they just have kept working their low payed jobs and meeting their families on sundays and finding themself that good girl and marry. Tyler had worked on that kind of life. In the end, that had been what he wanted to achieve, the fame and the music where just a chapter of the story he planned to write in the end. 

Josh felt a harsh bang in his chest as they drove by one of the venues they had played when they started to become bigger. All this seemed so long ago now, nearly like a dream. Once music had been his only purpose, right now he didn't even knew what it was anymore. Before the crash there hadn't been a day he had gone without playing his instruments and now he found himself not even thinking of drumming anymore. The amount of death and grieve he had seen hat reseted his perspective and suddenly he felt useless, unimportant to the world. There had to be more to life then just go on a stage, make people sing, something deeper, something more essential. 

The drummer knew his friends might be thinking the same thoughts...if he were thinking at all. What Josh was most afraid of where not to find Tyler angry at him, or sad, or devastated. What he feared most was to find him as dead alive as Zack had described him.


End file.
